Kenny's Wisdom

By Wild Willie Westwood

Sometimes, when Kenny says things along with other kids, those things don't show up here.

Kenny's deaths and the dialogue around them are here, too.

June 20, 2001 — There was once a thread at South Park Studios entitled "Kyle and Hot Tamales??" The following post is from that thread, and it's good know both that my site is quite accurate, and that it's not perfect.

January 18, 2000 — As the BBS has been corrupted several times since the post below was made, you won't find it there anymore.

Posted by: butters @ 06-19-2001 19:43
That's odd. I put up a post under this topic earlier. I even hit submit twice. I guess it was too long.
Actually, the only thing I talked about was how accurate the SP Scriptorium is regarding the references. It's almost as if Willie has access to our rental records at the local video shops.
Matt wants the fans to figure out what Kenny says on their own. Sometimes he really is just mumbling, so it's funny when people try to figure out what he's saying. Nevertheless, the accuracy some of these people have is amazing. The same goes for Trey and the references. That's when fan sites like the Scriptorium come in handy for the big SP fans.
There are some minor inaccuracies and reaches, but by in large, the Scriptorium is amazingly accurate.

And so, this page is now linked from the Script Guide rather than the front page.

Thanks, Butters, for the notice about the references. :D I couldn't have done them without the half dozen fans out there who occasionally proofread the stuff I have, and the occasional fan who sends me a correction. At the bottom of the page is a very special mention, retrieved from Beef-Cake's archive at the Wayback Machine.

Deaths off the show | No deaths to report

Deaths on the show

Episode 101 - Cartman Gets An Anal Probe

  1. On the definition of a dildo: "It's a giant stick that goes inside our moms' vaginas"
  2. On the bus: "Oh nooo!"
  3. On Stan's chances with Wendy: "or look at the cat on her feet, then touch her"
  4. After being blasted by the aliens: "Don't worry, I'm all right" [looks at cows running his way] "Aaahh!"
  5. Exit: [run over by the cows] "Nope, er, I'm fine." [is struck by Barbrady] "Ah!" [lands in the curb]
  6. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  7. Kyle: You bastards!

Episode 102 - Weight Gain 4000

  1. On Chef singing for Kathie Lee: "How big's your penis, Chef?"
  2. On Cartman's expanding chest: "They're the biggest breasts that I've seen!"
  3. Exit: [struck by Garrison's bullet] "Onooo!" [is impaled on the town's flagpole]
  4. Kyle: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You bastard!

Episode 103 - Volcano

  1. After Stan teases Cartman about his mom: "Maybe she'll suck my dick"
  2. After the Tale of Scuzzlebutt: "Hey! What's that?" (sensing a runble)
  3. After Ned notes that all the fish are dead, and smell that way: "A little like a vagina."
  4. On becoming Jimbo's honorary nephew: "Thanks."
  5. A boulder seems to land on Kenny.
  6. Kyle: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
  7. After the lava boulder lands in front of him: "Nope, I'm okay. [sees his arm on fire] It-aah. it hurts! IT HURTS!!"
  8. When the boulder rolls on him: "Ugh"
  9. After the camping party is saved and he appears on a snow drift: "Hey, guys, come here."
  10. After getting shot by Ned's fallen gun: "oh no!" [the mice give chase]
  11. Exit: Shot when Ned drops his gun

Episode 104 - Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride

  1. Observing Sparky mount Sylvester: "Oh my God, I think they're screwing."
  2. After Kyle says Sylvester is confused: "No. Check his penis." (referring to Sparky)
  3. As the boys discuss homosexuals: "I think that Garrison said that gay people suck"
  4. Exit: Tackled and decapitated by Middle Park Cowboys
  5. Kyle: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards!
  6. Back on the field in the second half

Eposide 105 - An Elephant Fucks A Pig

  1. On pigs and elephants: "Hey you guys, I talked to Garrison and he told me that they're almost the same."
  2. On Stan's fear of Shelley's touchiness: "Or are you gonna hit her with your hand?"
  3. After Kyle suggests Stan use family love as a weapon against Shelley: "And I want to see you fondling your breasts."
  4. After the genetic engineer reveals he's made a mutant of a certain boy: "A big mutant Stan?!"
  5. On Mutant Stan's destruction of South Park: "Look at that! What is he doin'?"
  6. Exit: Nuked in a microwave oven
  7. Kyle: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You bastard!
  8. Seen in his seat when the class is waiting for Stan and Cartman to come out with their project.

Episode 106 - Death

  1. After having settled into his seat in class, he raises his hand and says, "I have to go pee."
  2. After Garrison expresses reservation: "I did, I gotta go again..."
  3. After he returns to his seat, he says, "Oh my God!" and races back in.
  4. At Stan's: "Oh My God" (rushes to the bathroom)
  5. On the crapper: "OW!"
  6. On TV censorship: "You know what I think? Basically, if you let the decision of what you watch stop at the parents' control, then what can you see? It'll stay the same because they'll just get offended although their kids are not delighted with the television series they put on for their kids."
    — According to the February 28 2002 SPS FAQ, Matt says the above was all jibberish
  7. Exit: Touched by Death itself
  8. Kyle: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You bastard!!!

Episode 107 - Pinkeye

  1. Exit 1: Crushed by Mir
  2. Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
  3. Kyle: You bastards!
  4. Exit 2: Sawed in half by Kyle
  5. Kyle: Oh my God, I killed Kenny! You bastard!
  6. Exit 3: When he comes out of his grave: "Heeeyyy, kick ass!" [the angel falls on him] "Ow" [a plane finishes him off]

Episode 108 - Damien

  1. On Damien's mother: "Yeah, I feel that she's a freakin' bitch!"
  2. Exit: As a duck-billed platypus, shot by Jimbo.
  3. Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny.
  4. Kyle: You bastard!

Episode 109 - Starvin' Marvin

  1. When Sally Struthers mentions the Teiko sports watch: "Woo hoo!"
  2. On the definition of a vas deferens: "Dude, it's a pipe for your peepee"
  3. When they learn the sports watch would come the next day, he exclaims, with Kyle and Cartman, "Cool!"
  4. Exit: When the turkeys swarm over him, he says, "O Oooooh"
  5. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny.
  6. Kyle: You bastards!

Episode 111 - Tom's Rhinoplasty (aka Ms. Ellen)

  1. On seeing Ms. Ellen for the first time: "Damn, I'd like to get a taste of her!"
  2. On what they say about women with one arm longer than the other: "Yeah, they totally kick ass at spanking!"
  3. Oh Stan's date with Ms. Ellen: "And did you stick it in right when the fireplace gave you the shadow light?"
  4. Exit: Speared by a sword Ms. Ellen lost a hold of
  5. Stan: Oh my God, she killed Kenny!
  6. Kyle: [a little surprised] You bastard!

Episode 112 - Mecha Streisand

  1. On things to put on a snowman: "Yeah, and I got this nice marble sack to go with this carrot stick, see?"
  2. Exit: [swept up by the tetherball] "Oh no! I have got to stay away fro-aaargh-ah! Urgh!"
  3. Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
  4. Kyle: You bastards!

Episode 113 - Cartman's Mom Is A Dirty Slut

  1. On Cartman's absence from school: "Perhaps, he's just too big to get out of bed."
  2. On whether to crash Cartman's tea party: "I think if we run, try to get Eric to drop his tea"
  3. After it lurches forward and zips out of control: "Guuyys! Could you please make it stoopp?!!"
  4. After leaving the road: "Oof. Oh this Goddamned freakin'- AARGH! Goddamn, why- Oh this freakin'- AARGH! Phew. Well, I'm fine, guys! Now if I can-"
  5. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny.
  6. Kyle: You bastards!
  7. A videotape of the accident is shown on America's Stupidest Home Videos
  8. Stan: Oh my God, they videotaped killing Kenny!
  9. Kyle: You bastards!

Episode 202 - Cartman's Mom Is Still A Dirty Slut

  1. After reappearing, he sees the body: "Oh my God, they killed Mephesto"
  2. Kyle: You bastards!
  3. When the doctor breaks up the meeting about restarting the generator: "Huh?"
  4. After reaching the end of the sewage duct: "This is Team B"
  5. …and learning there was another, more comfortable way there: "Are you fuckin' telling me that I could've fuckin' gone that way?!"
  6. On being asked if he sees some metal rising from a drift nearby: "Yup! I see it in the drift"
  7. After he opens the generator door: "Okay, I've reached the generator"
  8. When asked if he sees the two copper nodes: "Roger"
  9. When asked if there's a copper wire between the two: "Negative"
  10. Upon learning of the possible loss of life if the nodes are not connected soon: "I'll stick 'em together"
  11. Exit: He connects the backup generator cables: "Good-bbyyyyee-ugh."
  12. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  13. Kyle: You bastard!

Episode 203 - Chickenfucker

  1. On the book he chose: "There's a lot of fuckin' vaginas and penises"
  2. After hearing the farmer shriek: "Hey, what's that?"
  3. When flung from the swings: "Aaaaaa." [into the brick wall] "Oooogh."
  4. Recovering from the impact: "Hey"
  5. On starting his first case as deputy: "Hooray!"
  6. As his father lists all the people present at the house: "Hi, Cartman."
  7. With his brother as his mom hits his dad: "Mom hit Dad again!"
  8. After Cartman takes control of the situation and beats on his father: "God-dammit, Cartman!"
  9. Getting up after being shot by the pistol: "Oh, it was only my jacket."
  10. Exit: Finally killed by a tree (Stan and Kyle were nowhere near him): "Ow!"

Episode 204 - Ike's Wee Wee

  1. When Chef greets the boys on his way home after school: "Hey, Chef"
  2. His guess as to the most important thing on a man's body: "Oooh, your penis!"
  3. After Kyle's parents confirm the boys' worst fears: "Jesus Christ!"
  4. When he falls into the burial plot: "Hey!"
  5. Exit: As the grave marker falls on him: "Hey you guys, I'm dying-!"
  6. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  7. Kyle: [flatly] You bastards!
  8. Seated behnd Stan when Mr. Garrison announces Mr. Mackey's return

Episode 205 - Conjoined Fetus Lady

  1. When Kyle says the fetus jiggled: "Eewwww!"
  2. When Kyle says the fetus looked dead: "Eewwww!"
  3. When Stan realizes his mistake and gets the story back on track: "Eewwww!"
  4. When Mrs. Broflovski shows a picture of Siamses twins: "Gross!"
  5. When the bus goes out of control: "Sheesh!"
  6. Exit: Smashed into a wall by a vicious serve from a Chinses player during the championship dodgeball game
  7. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  8. Kyle: [weakly] You… bastards…

Episode 206 - The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka

  1. With the others at the end of their report, "The End"
  2. At the start of their detention, "Just face it, dude, your uncle's stupid!"
  3. After watching the Jimbo and Ned show, "Yeah, it's like killing a dead pig and a turkey."
  4. Exit: When a man and woman pull him apart on JESUS AND PALS, "Nononono-yikes!"
  5. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  6. Kyle: You bastards!

Episode 208 - Summer Sucks

  1. Upon school dismissal: "Hooray"
  2. Along with the others upon meeting Stu: "Hi, Stu"
  3. When Stu says he can still offer snakes, "Never mind"
  4. When the snake slams into him, "Damn!"
  5. Exit: When he jumps clear of it, "Oof! Hey you guys, I really, really don't have time to tell you that-aargh…" [killed by the bleachers as the snake mows them down]
  6. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  7. Kyle: You bastards!

Episode 209 - Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls

  1. After Stan says Wendy is not his girlfriend: "Yeah, that's because you vomit on her all the time."
  2. After the other make fun of Cartman's ass: "Cartman's ass is so fuckin' huge that they could probably show six stupid films on it and still have some room, heheheheheh."
  3. With the other three boys at Chef's soul food booth: "Hey, Chef"
  4. While the other three scream at seeing a figure in the sewer: "Wait!"
  5. Exit: Kenny is run down by a flood of fleeing moviegoers
  6. Man 1: Oh my God, I found a penny!
  7. Man 2: You bastard!

Episode 210 - Chicken Pox

  1. When his mom asks him to come out and play with his friends: "No, Mom, I'm seriously sick!"
  2. Greeting the boys: "Hey you guys, what's goin' on?"
  3. After Grace: "Amen"
  4. Sneezing: "Aa-choo!"
  5. Sneezing on Cartman: "Waa-choo!"
  6. Answering Cartman: "Uh-huh"
  7. Answering Stan's concern about sleeping with rats: "Well, there's gonna be a bunch of rats until they put the freakin' ceiling in."
  8. Once more, before he goes to sleep: "Aa-choo!"
  9. Exit: Kenny flatlines on the hospital bed.
  10. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  11. Kyle: You bastards!

Episode 211 - Roger Ebert Should Lay Off The Fatty Foods

  1. his haiku:
    "When you rub your dick,
    you might find a discharge that
    winds up on the floor."
  2. When Stan asks him to report on what he sees: "Okay. Got to have some huggin'"
  3. When the lights go down: "I don't see anything."
  4. Exit: When the Intensity dial is set to 4: "Whoa, dude." [blown to bits by the neural neutralizer]
  5. Stan: Oh my God, we've killed Kenny!
  6. Kyle: We're bastards!

Episode 212 - Clubhouses

  1. When Cartman farts on him: "Heellp!"
  2. As "Fine"s are lobbed back and forth among the boys, "Fine"
  3. Trying to get a better look at the blueprints: "Well, why the fuck do I have to do everything while you stand around in the snow lookin-"
  4. Trying again: "Uh"
  5. Gruffly, when Cartman tells him to cut school early and wait for the hot tub: "Yes, sir!"
  6. After being told to get carpeting from the living room: "You suck ass and you suck dick!"
  7. Agreeing with Cartman as to the greatness of their clubhouse: "Uh huh"
  8. The missing ingredient? Chicks! "Yeah!"
  9. When Cartman tells him to find some chicks: "Well, why do I have to be the one to go and find chicks?"
  10. When Kenny bring over some chicks: "Uh-huh"
  11. Exit: When someone yells, "MOSH PIT!": "Huh?" [crushed by the clubhouse crowd]
  12. Cartman: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  13. Kyle: [passing by] You bastards!

Episode 213 - Cow Days

  1. When Cartman bets that Kenny has food stamps on him: "What? These?"
  2. When Kyle demands that he give up the food stamps: "Nuh-uh"
  3. When Kyle tries to convince him he can make the shot: "Dude, these are my fucking food stamps! How am I going to eat without all these food stamps?"
  4. When Cartman fails to respond after landing in the snow: "Oh my God, they've killed Cartman!"
  5. Kyle: No he didn't, he's still breathing!
  6. As the boys wonder where Cartman is: "I don't know where he went!"
  7. Stan tells him to look for Cartman: "Okay."
  8. When Stan asks where Cartman is: "I don't know. I can't find him."
  9. Kyle reminds him that Cartman is up in twenty minutes: "All right! I know!"
  10. Exit: When Kyle tells Kenny to help Cartman: "Huh-uh, I ain't gonna get inside that ring! Aaah!" [carried off by Cartman's bull]
  11. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  12. Kyle: You bastards!

Episode 214 - Chef Aid

  1. In the school kitchen, with the other three boys: "Hey, Chef"
  2. When Meatloaf agrees to buy some candy to raise money for Chef: "Hooray!"
  3. When Elton shows up to perform: "Hooray!" [with Cartman]
  4. Exit: Before Ozzy bites his head off: "All right, dude, let me go now." [Ozzy raises his head, revealing a headless Kenny]
  5. Stan: Oh my God, Ozzy Osbourne bit Kenny's head off!
  6. Kyle: You bastards!
  7. Stands next to the others at the ticket table soon after.

Episode 215 - Spooky Fish

  1. Pulling the blanket off Kevin, his brother: "Give me that-!"
  2. His mom punches him: "Ow, mom!"
  3. Stuart asks him if that Good Samaritan in rain gear was his fat, racist, foulmouthed friend, Eric Cartman: "Uh huh"
  4. Kyle asks him if he brought the pumpkin: "Uh huh!"
  5. Cartman expresses disbelief at the squash Kenny presents: "It's the only thing I could afford."
  6. In the school kitchen, with the other three boys: "Hey, Chef"
  7. Exit: Stan's fish pulls Kenny into the tank and purees him.

Episode 216 - Merry Christmas, Charlie Manson!

  1. His father asks him to bring home any left-over turkey from Cartman's Grandma's house: "Okay."
  2. Once Charlie and the boys are in Grandpa's car Charlie announces they're all going to the mall: "Hooray!" [along with the other boys]
  3. As they wait in line to see Mr. Hankey, Charlie asks Kenny if he would like to go with him to a more secluded part of the mall: "Okay."
  4. After Charlie says Kenny's …around: [shows up] "Hey, you guys. I'm right here."
  5. Charlie offers the boys orange smoothies: "Ooooo." [along with the other boys]
  6. Exit: Peppered with police bullets as he holds a white flag of surrender.
  7. Manson: Oh my God, they killed the little orange-coat kid!
  8. Kyle: You bastards!

Episode 217 - Gnomes

  1. Cartman says Kenny and his folks are happy being poor and on welfare: "Fuck you!"
  2. Seeing Kyle dive off the bed: "Let me try, let me try!"
  3. On a caffeine high: "Look at me! Look at me!" [knocks a lamp over]
  4. His line in the Prop. 10 commercial: "In my family, it's a silly enterprise."
  5. Exit: The gnomes accidentally kill him when their mining car slips off the track and falls towrads him.
  6. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  7. Kyle: You bastards!
  8. Gnomes: Holy shit! We've killed your friend.
  9. Gnomes: Christ, we squished him like a bug.

Episode 218 - Prehistoric Ice Man

  1. Reacting to the Aussie spotting a crocodile: "Oh, no!" [tightens his hood up]
  2. After the Aussie jams the crocodile's butt with his thumb: "He actually killed it!"
  3. Stan: Good job, Cartman! You killed Kyle!
  4. Responds: "You bastard!"
  5. Kyle asks him who found the ice man: "Well, I think you guys should name it Steve."
  6. What color blood came out? "Blue"
  7. Exit: "Uh oh. Ow!" [slips down between the sidewalk and the landing, and is flattened to death. His remains reappear at the other end]
  8. Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny! [looks at Kyle, waiting for the usual line]
  9. Kyle: What?! I'm not talking to you!

Episode 302 - Spontaneous Combustion

  1. Brings a hair dryer to Kyle: "How about this?"
  2. Commneting on the difficulty in getting a nurection: "You guys, take it seriously."
  3. Excusing himself: "Well, see you guys. I gotta go take the bus out of town.
  4. Answering Cartman about seeing his new girlfriend: "Yeah, you guys. Seriously."
  5. Exit: "Ach" [he is consumed in a flash, and his charred body falls to the ground]
  6. Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
  7. Kyle: You bastards!

Episode 303 - Chef's Mama

  1. He thinks Cartman is not in school because "Maybe he took a dump and got sick." [the others laugh]
  2. Offering further information about Chef to a receptionist: "And a real huge dick."
  3. On the antidote to the power of a succubus: [closes his book and expounds] "Hey, you guys! You guys, I think I know precisely what it's saying. It says that we've gotta go and find a pile of records and get the one that has the entire lyrics, and then we gotta get into learning to rearrange them.
  4. Further explanation: "And then we gotta go down and get a piece of paper and write down each one of the words we sang on the tape deck. And then, sing it back again!"
  5. Finally: "That's what that means!"
  6. Exit - helps Cartman with the tape player: "Wait…" [the succubus lands on Kenny, breaking the pew in half.]
  7. Stan: Oh my God! She killed Kenny!
  8. Kyle: You bastard!

Episode 304 - Tweek vs. Craig

  1. Kenny learns what Home Ec will be all about: "Woohooo!"
  2. He learns that pretty girls won't have to worry about finding careers and jobs, just about marrying a nice man: "Woohooo!"
  3. He greets the boys after school in the playground: "Hey guys, what's going on with you?"
  4. He respoonds to the girls as they leave: "Bye, ladies."
  5. He echos Pearl's line: "I can't make love to you until we get a king-size bed."
  6. Pearl asks if she could talk to him at her desk: "Sure you can."
  7. Pearl tells him she doesn't think Home Economics is right for him: "Why?"
  8. She tells him she doesn't think his chances of finding a nice man to marry are good: "You don't?"
  9. He ought to consider tranfering to shop class: "Shop class?" [images of threatening tools tools fill his head] "No, I won't!"
  10. He stands firm: "I don't wanna take shop class!"
  11. He goes to shop class: "Hi, Mr. Adler."
  12. Tweek and Craig come his way, fighting: "Hey!"
  13. A second jigsaw falls onto the first, putting him off balance: "Hey, God damnit!"
  14. Exit - lands on a box of rusty nails: "Ugh!"
  15. Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
  16. Kyle: You bastards!
  17. His last words before others appear to Mr. Adler: "I understand, dude."

Episode 305 - Jakovasaurs

  1. Cartman asks to use one of his gloves: "Here you go." [walks to him]
  2. Realizing why Cartman wants it: "No way!" [goes back to roasting his marshmallow]
  3. Sees Stan and Kyle run to town after Cartman: "Hey you guys, wait up for me!"
  4. Exit: "Waaah!" [a black bear mauls him]

Episode 306 - Sexual Harassment Panda

  1. At the idea of having his own lawyer: "Woohoo!"
  2. Chef greets the boys. He answers with the others: "Hey, Chef"
  3. Exit - The magnet tugs at him: "You guys, come get this fucking magnet noooowwww!" [the magnet pulls him into the blades, and he's chopped up into bits] "Argh!"
  4. Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
  5. Kyle: You bastards!

Episode 309 - Jewbilee

  1. Kyle says hello: "Kyle, I'm gonna camp and watch the meteor shower. Do you wanna come and see it with me?"
  2. Kyle has to go to Jewbilee: "What's that?"
  3. Jewbilee migth suck ass: "Oh, that's alright."
  4. Maybe Kenny can go to Jewbilee: "Really?"
  5. Kenny's not special?: "Aw."
  6. Kenny'll believe whatever you want him to: "Yeah."
  7. Kenny can go, so long as no one knows he's not Jewish: "Woohoo!"
  8. Ike has to go to Squirts: "Squirts?"
  9. Kyle explains: "Oh."
  10. Sheila tells of Abraham, Sarai, and Hagar: "Uh huh."
  11. Sheila tells of Abraham and Isaac: "Uh huh!"
  12. At Jewbilee, Sheila tries to get his attention: "Uh huh?"
  13. She tells him to act Jewish: "How do you do that?"
  14. Name?: "Kenny McCormick."
  15. He and Kyle pass by the Chamber of Elders: "What's that?"
  16. This is obvious, but well…
    "I pledge to be a Jew Scout.
    My honor, wide and true.
    I am proud to be a Jew Scout.
    Otherwise, I'd just be a Jew."
  17. Lahit chaim: "Lahit chaim." [the elder lowers the bell over his head, strikes it, but Kenny ducks] "Ha, Hiheh haha." [the elder lowers it again and strikes it several times to make sure.] "Hah, Oh my God!"
  18. The Scouts gather at Campfire: "What the heck are we doing?"
  19. Kyle explains: "Uheheheheh, that's stupid."
  20. Notices some rumbling: "What's happening now?"
  21. Sees Moese for the first time: "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!"
  22. Sings with the others: "Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya. O Lord, Kumbaya.
  23. Moses senses that Kenny is not kosher: "Uh oh."
  24. The Scouts close in on him: "Help me, Kyle! What are we gonna do?"
  25. Kyle betrays him: "What?!"
  26. Tries to blame Kyle: "I'm telling you, it's Kyle you want. He's the one who tried to get me in here, and you know it."
  27. He is now banished: "What?!"
  28. Sees Elder Garth summoning Haman: "Oh no!"
  29. Walks down the road: "Stop!" [a red car speeds by. Kenny watches it leave, then hears more vehicles coming] "Officer Barbrady, I really need to talk to you!" [Barbrady and the ATF speed by as well] "Shit!"
  30. The bear finds him and carries him off: "Ah!"
  31. The bear brings him into her cave: "Haaarrrrrh!" [the bear drops him off and leaves the cave] "Huh?"
  32. Kenny thinks it's sweet, seeing the Squirts play with the cub: "Aw." [the momma bear comes and licks a Squirt's face, and the Squirt laughs] "Okay, you guys, we've gotta get back to the camp and …"
  33. Urges the Squirts to join him: "Come on, Squirts, we gotta run! We're already God-damned late!"
  34. Comes up behind Garth and his book: "Woohoo!" [takes off with the book]
  35. Garth kicks him: "Ow!"
  36. Garth kicks him again: "Ow!"
  37. Tells everyone: "It's okay, I'll use my head!"
  38. Delivers the headbutt: "Heeeeeyah! Ugh!" [the headbutt opened the shell alright, but Kenny falls back on his side as Moses comes out of the broken shell]
  39. Exit: Breaks a conch shell open with his head to free Moses, but dies in the process.
  40. Kyle: Kenny!

Episode 310 - Chinpoko Mon

  1. Fighting with Cartmn over Pengin: "Nuh uh." "Nuh uh!" "No!" "No!" "No! This is mine!"
  2. At the bus stop, when Cartman wants to trade: "Fuck you!"
  3. Playing the Chinpokomon video game with Stan and Cartman: "Hey, you guys."
  4. There are three things he says along with the other guys, so you can look in the script for those.
  5. Exit: Rats break out of his body.
  6. Cartman: Ooooh-ho-ho-ho, gro-hoss! [Stan and Kyle laugh]

Episode 312 - KORN's Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery

  1. The boys pass a shack advertising the Halloween Costuem Contest: "You guys, I'm gonna try and win that costume contest!"
  2. A fifth grader pops out and scares the boys: "Aaaaah!"
  3. The fifth grader demonstrates what a pirate with a hook hand would do to a victim: "Hoh!"
  4. A pirate ghost cutout pops up and scares the boys: "Aaaaah!"
  5. Agrees with Stan and Cartman that digging up Kyle's grandma is a sweet idea: "Yeah!"
  6. Boasts about his costume: "Mine is so fuckin' badass it's gotta win now!"
  7. Asserting that he can win the contest: "Yes I am! I've got the costume; it's waiting in the house! Yesterday I got this huge package in the mail, and it was big, okay?"
  8. Walks up in his ED-209 costume: "Hey, guys. Uh, check out this kick-ass cool costume."
  9. After David recognizes him: "Aw, man!"
  10. Disappointed on losing the costume contest: "Awww."
  11. Exit - tiny snowspeeders fly in and attack him: "What the hell? What the fuck is this?!"

Episode 313 - Hooked On Monkey Fonics

  1. His view of Kyle's sudden interest in Rebecca: "Heheh, yeah. You're a faggot, dude. Fuck, yeah. Hehe-eheh."
  2. Sees a Snacky S'more in Fonics Monkey's hand: "Hey, can I have that?" [reaches for it, but the monkey tosses it away] "Heey."
  3. The Fonics Monkey attacks him: "Hey!" [the monkey starts tossing him around like a box] "Hey, Cartman, help me."
  4. Exit: The Fonics Monkey thrashes him against the foot of Cartman's bed, then stomps on him to death.
  5. Stan: Oh my God, Fonics Monkey killed Kenny!
  6. Cartman: You're damn straight he did.
  7. Shows up at the dance with Kelly. Part of his head is seen behind Rebecca's hair.

Episode 314 - The Red Badge Of Gayness

  1. Looks at his flute: "Oh. Flutes are gay?"
  2. After Cartman offers him plunder and womens: "Woohoo!"
  3. Exit: A flare lands on him and blows him up.
  4. Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
  5. Grandpa: You bastards!
  6. Kyle: Hey!

Episode 315 - Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics

  1. Mr. Garrison tells the class his next topic: how other cultures observe the Christmas holiday season: "What?!"
  2. Exit: The chandelier Stan and Kyle just decorated lands on him.

Episode 316 - Are You There, God? It's Me, Jesus

  1. Cartman says he's hit puerty: "…What?"
  2. Stan says he'll check his ass for bleeding: "Me too."
  3. Checks his stool for bleeding: "Woohoo!" [jumps for joy] "Woohoooo!"
  4. Rushes into the pharmacy to share the news: "You guys! You guys, I did it! I got my very own period!"
  5. Describes the moment: "Yeah, it was awesome! I was just sitting down and then I got my period!"
  6. Cartman welcomes Kenny to the "mature people" club: "Woo-hoo!"
  7. Did Kenny get his Maxi pads: "No. All I could get was a couple of tampons."
  8. What's a tampon? "See, a tampon is what you stick up your ass so you don't bleed."
  9. Doesn't it hurt? "I dunno."
  10. Goddess Moon?! "Damnit, here!"
  11. Is Craig cooler than Clyde? "Yes, I agree. I think Craig is a thousand times as cool as Clyde. There doesn't really seem to be a doubt."
  12. Cartman's period is going swimmingly: "And mine too."
  13. Kenny feels constipated: "Ooooowwwwwwwhh."
  14. Kenny feels worse: "Oh- ooowww!"
  15. Exit: "Aaaaaa!" [falls back and passes out. Blood spews up from his mouth]
  16. Kyle: Whoa, dude!

Episode 317 - Worldwide Recorder Concert

  1. Caartman asks if this is the right note: "Uh-uh"
  2. Again: "Nope."
  3. Again: "Nuh-uh."
  4. What's a queef: "I don't know!"
  5. Maybe Kenny G can show us where 92 cents below the lowest Eb is. Then we'll know the brown noise: "Yeah."
  6. Cartman asks if he is ready to check for the brown noise: "Ready." [Stan and Kyle look at each other and Cartman plays a fat bass note. Kenny farts] "Oh," [farts] "shiiit. Damnit! Cartman, I've got to go to the bathroom!" [rushes away]
  7. Exit: Found dead on the concert lot with rats chewing away on him.
  8. Shows up alive in the bus when the class goes home.

Episode 401 - Cartman's Silly Hate Crime 2000

  1. Cartman wants his help in leaving town: "What the fuck for?!"
  2. Cartman askes to be taken to "Mexico?! Why the heck do I have to take you all the way to Mexico?!"
  3. Cartman slaps him: "Hey!"
  4. Cartman asks if he still has his battery-powered toy truck: "Yyes."
  5. In the Go-Go Action Bronco, sees that Cartman can be seen by police all around: "Why don'tcha keep your head down?!" [Cartman ducks]
  6. Looks up to find himself alone with a brick rider: "Huh? Uh."
  7. Exit: [the sled hits a rock, tossing him through the air] "AAAAAA!" [slams into a tree and sticks] "Ufff!" [the brick rider slams into him, killing him] "Ugh!"
  8. Stan: Ooh my God, we killed Kenny.
  9. Kyle: We killed Kenny?
  10. Stan: We killed Kenny. We're bastards.

Episode 402 - The Tooth Fairy's Tats 2000

  1. Cartman suggest the boys pool their teeth together and put them under his bed so they could get enough money to buy a Sega Dreamcast: "Sega Dreamcast??"
  2. Covers his mouth when the others realize he still has baby teeth: "Nuh-uh."
  3. Kyle asks about his baby teeth: "No way!"
  4. Cartman tries to persuade him: "No I don't! Thank you!"
  5. Stan and Cartman tie his tooth to Timmy's wheelchair: "Why the fuck does it have to be my tooth?"
  6. Cartman says Kenny should be grateful his tooth is being pulled early: "Fuck you!"
  7. Echoes Stan and Cartman after Butters tells them he has a loose tooth: "You what?"
  8. Kyle and Stan opt to get Butters' tooth: "Woohoo!"
  9. Timmy pulls him out of his clothes: "Hey, guys!" [yanked from his suit into the air] "Heey-ungh" [lands naked in front of Cartman] "Oowww."
  10. After Cartman shows the boys the $4 he got for Butters' tooth: "Oh, my God!"
  11. Stan proposes a visit to a rich kid's house to plant a tooth and reap the money: "Woohoo!"
  12. After learning that Cartman won't pay Loogie his cut: "He's not gonna do it?!"
  13. Loogie's boys toss him into the Platte River in concrete galoshes: "No! Nono! No! Don't do this! Nononooo!"
  14. Sees his friends and tries to get their attention: You guys! You guys, over here! …Hey! Heeyy!!
  15. Exit: hops into a hidden gully in the Platte River and drowns.

Episode 403 - Quintuplets 2000

  1. Learns the show is two hours long: [with Cartman and Kyle] "Awwwgh."
  2. Sees the quintuplets for the first time: "Woohoo!"
  3. On the girls' performance: "Oh yeah! Woohoo!"
  4. On the boys making their own Cirque du Cheville: "Yeah."
  5. The boy blame Kenny's singing for their failed first practice: "Hunh?"
  6. He has to sing better: "I'm singing as good as I can!"
  7. reads "Learning to Sing Better": "Let's see… No, not there"
    tosses the book away and picks up "The Essence of Voicing": "Let's see. Nothing there"
    tosses it away and picks up "Singing like Bocelli for Dummies": "Let's see… here!" [pulls out a tape and pops it into his tape player]
  8. practices with the tape: "Yaaayaya," then "Hehyayaya hehyayaya!"
  9. leafs through the book: "Con Te Partirò?"
  10. Lesson 4: the complete works of Mozart: "Damn!"
  11. Stan tells the quints Kenny's singing has to get better: "Hey!"
  12. Practicing his scales: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."
  13. Wants to be as good as gan be in singing: "Well, let's do it then!"
  14. To be really good, he has to go to: "Europe?"
  15. If he doesn't go, he'll be a hack: "Awww."
  16. On making money on the way to Europe: "Yeah."
  17. Arrives in Europe: "Woo hoo!"
  18. On being wanted at the Romanian School of Music: "Woohoo!"
  19. Romanians are poor, too: "Yeah."
  20. On staying in Romania: "Sure!"
  21. Exit: A police officer find him in a Romanian closet, demands his mother hand him over, and accidentally guns him down.

Episode 404 - Timmy 2000

  1. All the kids claim ADD: "Me too."
  2. Ritalin make you feel: "Good."
  3. Echos the other three boys in answering Chef, but separately:
    "Hello, Chef."
    "Very well, thank you."
  4. On the prospect of seeing Timmy play at Mile High Stadium: "Oh boy."
  5. Exit: Cartman swings at an imaginary Christina Aguilera monster on Kenny's face, smashes Kenny's face in, and Kenny falls forward, dead.
  6. Stan: Oh my goodness, you killed Kenny.
  7. Kyle: Bastard.

Episode 406 - Cartman Joins NAMBLA

  1. Would he like another brother or sister? "No."
  2. Wakes from the first nightmare: "HAAAAAAAAGH!"
  3. Enters the living room with a ball and glove: "Dad, I wanna play catch."
  4. Insists: "But I wanna play now!"
  5. After throwing the baseball at Stuart's nuts: "Woohoo!"
  6. Learns that his mom is pregnant: "No!!"
  7. What will he do now? "I don't know. But I've gotta think of something."
  8. The pharmacist asks if he can "her": "Yes. I'm looking for some morning-after abortion-"
  9. The pharmacist shows "her" where they are: "Thanks."
  10. Cash or charge? "Cash."
  11. Walks into the living rom with a mug: "Look, Mom. I just fixed you a drink."
  12. Offers it to his mom: "Here."
  13. She can't drink: "What?"
  14. Stuart takes it: "No! Daddy!"
  15. Sees the effect of the abortion pills on his dad: "Uh oh."
  16. After seeing the North Park Funland commercial: "Mom!"
  17. In the second nightmare, is covered in amniotic fluid: "Eeww."
  18. Dream Exit: The baby is a mutant who decapitates everyone's heads, including Kenny's.
  19. Stuart: Oh my God, it killed Kenny!
  20. Mrs. McCormick: Bad baby, bad!
  21. Wakes from the second nightmare: "Huh. Huh?? That does it!"
  22. Attacks his mom with the plunger"AAAARRRRHHH!"
  23. Follows her into Room 1C: "Come here, mom! Let me get it!"
  24. Follows her into Room 2C: "Come on!"
  25. Exit: The ambulance carrying his father to the hospital backs up and runs over him, then speeds away. His mother just looks at the corpse.

Episode 407 - Cherokee Hair Tampons

  1. Answes for Stan: "Here."
  2. Attacking Cartman's position in a toy battle: "Rrrrooowwwrrr, rroowwrr, pew, pew, POW."
  3. Cartman tries to take his ship away: "No, no."
  4. He and Cartman fight over the ship: [as Cartman speaks] (Unngh. Stop, no! No, it's mine!) [pulls the cruiser back] (There! It's mine!)
  5. Stan asks Cartman if he realizes the seriousness of Kyle's condition: "Not when I try to tell him"
  6. Shocked at Cartman's price on Kyle's life: "Ten million dollars??"
  7. Stan tells him no one wants to listen: "I know."
  8. If Kyle dies, they'd never see him again: "Uh huh."
  9. Stan walks away without having listened to him: "Rrrh!"
  10. The two boys he brought are the only ones that want to help Kyle? "Uh huh."
  11. On guarding Liane's door: "Okay"
  12. Stan shares his lament about Kyle with Kenny: "Well uh, nobody seems to care when I die on them!"
  13. Stan just breaks down: "Well now, that does it! I have had enough of this bullshit! Screw you, Stan. I'm going home!"
  14. Exit: As he gets up to go home, a piano falls from a second-story window, crushing him.
  15. Mover: Oops.

Episode 408 - Chef Goes Nanners

  1. Kyle asks him how many mints he's gonna eat: "Plenty. This is 'cause my family's poor."
  2. Kyle tells him he can't eat an entire bowl of "mints": "Ah, fuck you!"
  3. Burps and asks: "Kyle, can I have a drink of water?"
  4. Exit: "What?" [the tablets start to fizz] "Oh oooooooOOOOOOOH!" [bursts in all directions, leaving antacid foam and body parts everywhere. Everyone soon laughs]
  5. Stan: That was a good one.

Episode 409 - Something You Can Do With Your Finger

  1. On practicing choreography over and over: "That sounds totally fuckin' stupid"
  2. Agrees that Wendy is their best chance at a boy group: "Me too."
  3. Cartman says "fingerbang" means waving your finger around and pretending it's a gun: "Hm hm, noho, that's not what it means."
  4. He explans: "It's when you take your finger, and you stick it in a vagina and you stick it again and again."
  5. Agrees with Kyle: "Yeah!" [Kyle said he wouldn't be a member of a four-boy band]
  6. Exit: "Uf" [an elevator crushes him, and its occupants exit].
  7. Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
  8. Kyle: You bastards!

Episode 412 - 4th Grade

  1. On Ms. Choksondik's breasts: "Those tittes are fuckin' huge!"
  2. After being briefed by the rescuer: "Yes, sir!"
  3. Rolling by on the dolly: "Hi guys."
  4. Trips over a manhold cover: "Uh oh."
  5. The dolly lands on him: "Uff. I'm okay."
  6. The winch is suddenly yanked, and Kenny zips away: "I'm oKAAAYYYYYYY!!!"
  7. Exit: The winch pulls Kenny into the road, and he comes to rest in front of Stan, Kyle, and Cartman, dead.
  8. Stan: Well, who didn't see that coming?
  9. Back in class for an instant when the geeks initiate their second time machine.

Episode 413 - Trapper Keeper

  1. On remaining "it":"Damn!"
  2. Exit: "Hah!" [plastered against the wall opposite Cartman's bedroom door by Trapper Keeper.]
  3. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  4. Kyle: You ba-! [the boys run away]

Episode 414 - Helen Keller, the Musical

  1. Exit: A lighting fixture falls on Kenny and kills him
  2. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!

Episode 416 - The Wacky Molestation Adventure

  1. Cartman explains why Kenny didn't tell his parents about the concert: "Yeah!"
  2. Three months without parents: "Wow, that is awesome!"
  3. Exit: Found dead and chained against the Provider, half-eaten.
  4. Mark: It's a boy… They… killed him.
  5. Linda: The bastards. Oh, Mark, let's get out of here.

Episode 417 - A Very Crappy Christmas

  1. On the idea of an animated film about themselves: "Yeah, right! Awesome!"
  2. He has a few singing parts, but not by himself.
  3. Exit: Gets run over by a car seconds after leaving an art store with Stan and Kyle.
  4. Stan: …It's okay. We'll just have his character die in the film.

Episode 501 - Scott Tenorman Must Die

  1. Kenny doesn't yet believe Cartman's story: "You got pubes??"
  2. Kenny buys a ticket to a flim: "One please."
  3. Exit: laughng uncontrollably at the clip of Cartman singing "I'm a little piggy..." he falls over, dead. He literally died laughing.
  4. Stan: Oh my God, he killed Kenny.

Episode 502 - It Hits The Fan

  1. Kyle invites him and Stan to The Lion King on stage: "...Oh"
  2. Cartman reveals what word Cop Drama will say: "Dude, we've gotta watch!"
  3. Kenny gets sick: "Uh oh."
  4. Exit - Stan notes that Kenny didn't die: "Yeah, I didn't- Goddamnit! Aargh" [vomits his intestines out and dies].

Episode 503 - Cripple Fight!

  1. Stan complains that Scouts will have a lot of kids he and his friends don't know: "Yeah."
  2. The boys say good-bye to Big Gay Al: "Yeah, see ya."
  3. Stan speaks glowingly of Scouts: "Yeah."
  4. Exit: A giant bird plucks him off the slab in front of the courtroom.

Episode 504 - The Super Best Friends

  1. Exit: found drowned in the Reflecting Pool in Washington D.C. by Stan..
  2. Stan: Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  3. Kyle, in the distance: You bastards!
  4. Stan [raises his head, softly]: Kyle? [loudly] Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
  5. Kyle: You bastards!
  6. Stan: [goes to look for him] Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!...

Episode 506 - Cartmanland

  1. He says three things, but they're quite long. I'll sort out the syllables later
  2. In the Mine Shaft Ride: "Woohoo," "Weeheehee."
  3. Exit: impaled by a water pipe in the Mine Shaft Ride.

Episode 507 - Proper Condom Use

  1. Kyle asks what all the fuss is about: "Wait until you see what I can do to the dog!"
  2. Kyle says dogs don't make dog milk: "Yeah they do!"
  3. Exit - struck by a boomerang: "Waa-ooo!" [falls back and expires].

Episode 508 - Towelie

  1. Kenny's not doing well in the video game: "Aw, Goddamnit!"
  2. Thrity nine hours until school: "Woohoo!"
  3. The boys look for Towelie: "I don't know. Where could it be?"
  4. Kenny loses his grip on Kyle's ankle: "Help help! Heeelllppp!"
  5. Exit: "Nooo!" [falls into the acid tank, disintegrating and sinking.].

Episode 509 - Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants

  1. Stan asks Kenny if he's willing to take the goat home for the nioght: "No fuckin' way, dude!"
  2. On their situation in the cargo hold: "Oh, shit, we're locked in."
  3. Reacting to Cartman's fart: "Ee-hew-hoo!"
  4. On being stuck in the cargo hold with Cartman's fart: "God-damn, it stinks like shit!"
  5. Exit: Dies when a bomb goes off next to the boys. The usual lines are said for Kenny's Afghan counterpart in Farsi.

Episode 510 - How To Eat With Your Butt

Kenny laughs quite a bit when he comes to school with his butt showing where his face oughtta be, but he does say a few things.
  1. Kenny thinks Ms. Choksondik is talking about him when she says one of the students will spend the afternoon at the principal's office for spoiling his or her school picture: "Aww, that's bullshit!"
  2. Cartman boasts about Kenny's picture being the sweetest thing Cartman's done: "You've ever done?!"
  3. Exit: Run over by a motorcycle. Cartman roars with laughter.

Episode 511 - The Entity

  1. No statements here
  2. Exit: Airport security guard shoots him dead after finding a toenail clipper on him.

Episode 512 - Here Comes the Neighborhood

  1. Cartman kicks him in the groin: "OW!"
  2. Exit: Just shows up dead. But he did engage in a rough round of Roshambo with his friends earlier.

Episode 513 - Kenny Dies

  1. Kenny sees that the turd lights up nicely: "That's awesome" [coughs heavily]
  2. Kyle asks if Kenny is okay: "It's all right. I'm fine."
  3. Cartman says he has in the back yard: "A football machine?"
  4. Cartman mentions stem cells: "What the fuck are stem cells?"
  5. The doctor hooks Kenny up to a new IV bag: "Thank you, Doc."
  6. The doctor asks if Kenny doesn't want to take his coat off: "I'm all right"
  7. Kyle asks him how he's doing: "I'm okay, I guess."
  8. Cartman tells him how he consider Kenny his best friend: "Eric, well you're my best friend, too."
  9. Chef says Kenny has lots of friends, huh? "Yes." [coughs a bit] "But what about Stan?"
  10. Kyle says Stan will see Kenny soon: "I hope so."
  11. Hears that someone has arrived to see him: "Stan??"
  12. Wonders what these guys are dong here: "The Make-A-Wish Foundation?"
  13. Kyle asks Kenny if the Foundation's mission is neat: "Yes."
  14. Bob Ferrin asks what Kenny's wish is: "I guess the only thing I wish is to not die."
  15. Kenny opines on Madonna: "No. Fuckin' Madonna..." [Kyle gives the translation later]
  16. Exit: Dies from a terminal illness, but the moment of death isn't shown.
Episode 513 marks the last episode Kenny appears in. In episode 602, "Jared Has Aides," the town square has been renamed the Kenny McCormick Memorial Town Square, and he's not in the new intro for the show. The boys tried to mold Butters into a Kenny-type (and Butters was the most fleshed-out kid outside the four boys), but it didn't work - maybe an indication that no other boy could take Kenny's part (the boys will try Tweek out this summer 2002), and that Kenny might yet return. Unless Kenny returns before the series ends next year, there will be no more statements from him
Posted by Bill Gates at SPX's ng on 05-08-2002 (That's August 5, not May 8, folks)

In relation to all the speculation on whether Kenny will return or not and if he does when?

Well for everyone desperately seeking reassurance on whether Kenny will return or not I can confirm that you need not worry. Recently the situation has been reviewed closely by Matt and Trey themselves. As I'm sure you all know Matt and Trey vowed to kill Kenny off for good. And this time they WERE serious. Up until recently they weren't going to go back on their words but recent developments have resulted in a change of plans.
After Comedy Central recently reviewed ratings they discovered a slight dip. Now don't get me wrong, ratings are genuinely good but not that good in comparison with series 1,2,3,4 & 5. So that may not be a reason to bring back Kenny. However they have made clear to M & T their intent to push up merchandising on the supposed last series: series 7. From Christmas 97 Kenny's character in particular came second only to a certain Eric Cartman. Kenny's character was sought to be increasingly marketable as SP went on but up until recently merchandising sales have dropped rapidly. Maybe rapidly is too strong a word but nonetheless they are going down. More to the point along with this and pressure from the fans to bring back Kenny, Comedy Central have informed M & T their intent and it didn't go down well at a recent meeting. Due to M & T's stubborness this was not a popular suggestion. But both parties have verbally agreed that it would give SP merchandising and ratings a well-welcomed boost in the future.
So believe it or not it is about 99% certain that they WILL bring back Kenny McCormick in time before season 7 ends. At the moment the plans are to give all the characters who appeared on the show to all appear in the last ever episode (sometime next year). BUT with ongoing developments between the SP storyboard it was thought that the idea of bringing back Kenny briefly in a special episode (most likely x-mas or halloween) was strongly favoured with the creators. But this tactic will only be used if Comedy Central get their way.
Personally I would love to see Kenny return and hopefully he does even if it is for one episode. This source is exclusive inside news and you should appreciate it, otherwise **** off. I don't want anyone replying what a load of bullshit this is because I can assure you IT IS NOT!!!! Believe or not, all you doubters will be proved wrong in series 7. Kenny WILL return. Watch this space.
On November 6 Kenny did return, but not in his own body. Cartman mixed his ashes in some milk and drank them, thus imbibing Kenny's spirit and memories. Kenny returns in his own body for Christmas, and now resumes his role on the show without dying.

...until December 17, 2003. Kenny dies again! :)

Episode 715 - It's Christmas in Canada

  1. Cartman won't fly in Mr. Kim's plane: "Me neither!"
  2. Kyle asks why not: "'Cause, dude, I'll fucking die!"
  3. Just before the plane crashes on Canadian ground: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
  4. Tells what Christmas thing he's not gonna have this year: "And I'm not gonna have a ..." [his voice trails off]
  5. Exit: Incinerated by laser beams emanating from the Prime Minister's eyes. "Gah!"
  6. Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
  7. Kyle: [walks over to the charred remains] You... bastards!

Episode 807 - The Jeffersons (clearly audible, but anyway...)

  1. Kyle thanks him for taking Blanket's place as they try to protect Blanket from Mr. Jefferson: "Yeah, sure, whatever."
  2. Has doubts: "Aren't I too big to be Blanket?"
  3. Gets into Blanket's bed: "All right, but you guys owe me for this."
  4. The boys reenter the room to get away from Mr. Jefferson: "What the hell is going on, you guys?"
  5. Mr. Jefferson picks him up and tosses him around: "Nonono wait, I'm not Blanket!"
  6. Exit: Mr. Jefferson tosses him too high: "Aaaah! Aaaah, stop! A-" [his head goes through the ceiling and blood runs down his body. It begins to drip from his feet]
  7. Stan: Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
  8. Kyle: You bastard!

Episode 903 - Wing

  1. Takes part in stealing a fountain for the boys' new agency.
  2. On learning that Token is going to be their first client: "Hey, terrific!"
  3. The boys' agency earns its first $20: "All right!"
  4. Sylvester Stallone will pay Wing $4000 to sing at his sons's wedding: "What?!"
  5. Wing has gone missing: "Wing?"
  6. Exit: [Kyle stirs] All right, Kenny, let's go! [stops when nothing happens, then looks] Kenny? [the camera pulls back to show Kenny, shot up and bleeding, dead on the floor] Kenny! [walks over to Kenny with his arms open] Don't worry, Kenny. You didn't die for nothing. [hugs Kenny, sobbing] We're gonna get Wing back as our client and... and make a ton of money! I swear it to you!
  7. Kyle: They killed Kenny!
  8. Stan: You bastard!

Episode 904 - Best Friends Forever

  1. Cartman asks him when he showed up to get a PSP (Kenny's the first in line): "Friday"
  2. His mom is concerned that he's played on the PSP for two weeks now: "I could go to level sixty!"
  3. Exit: "Yes! Woohoo! I did it! I reached lever s-!" [an ice-cream truck runs over him. The driver misses this, as he's playing on his own PSP]
  4. The rest of the episode has Kenny in heaven, coming back briefly to languish until his lawyer tells the people gathered at his hospital bed that he wouldn't want the camera to see him like this. At that point, everyone leaves him alone to die again, this time in peace.

Episode 1114 - The List

  1. The boys discuss a list about the boys' looks: "They didn't put me at the bottom, did they?"
  2. Sees that he's #7 on the (forged) list: "Woohoo"
  3. Exit: [A bullet shoots in through the window, into the back of Kenny's head and out through his forehead. Stuart, his mom, and Kevin jump back in horror as blood splatters on them. They look at each other fearfully] "Aah-" [his head falls into his bowl. A few seconds later, some Pop-Tarts pop out of the toaster.]