Chef Sings

Compiled by Wild Willie Westwood


Episode 101: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe - I'm Gonna Make Love To You, Woman

I'm gonna make love to ya woman
gonna lay ya down by the fire
And caress your womanly body
make ya moan and perspire
Gonna get those juices flowin'
we're makin' love gravy, love gravy,
lovelovelovelovelove GRAVIH
love, luh...

Episode 102: Weight Gain 4000 - Ode to Kathie Lee

Oh, Kathie Lee, how I'd love to lay you down.
And lick every inch of your body with my tongue
Kathie Lee, you're my sexual fantasy
How 'bout you and me get together and make… sweet… love?

Episode 103: Volcano - Lava!

Mmmm
Baby everytime that we kiss
Hot Lava!
Everytime that we make love, hot lava
Hot Lava!
Lava so hot it makes me sweat
Lava so warm and red and wet
Lava!
Brrrrrrrrrrrr.

Episode 104: Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride - Spank The Football

Just like makin' sweet love to the football.
Feelin' naughty with the football.
Mmmm. Spank it, ever so gently. Spank it.

Episode 105: An Elephant Makes Love To A Pig - Love Gravy

Tonight is a-right for love,
you know I -- want to touch you where the lights don't go.
Tonight is a-right for love, love gravay.

Expressing love so sweet.
I want to -- keep you burning like a dog in heat.
Tonight is a-right for love, love graaavaaay.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John! [he appears]

Oooo tonight
Oooo it's all right
Oooo tonight is right for love, love gravaya.

Thank you Elton.

Tonight is right for love, love graaavaaaaaay.

Episode 107: Pinkeye - Make Love

I'm gonna make love, even when I'm dead
My body might get cold, but it's always hot in my bed
Make looove, don't you be afraid
Just because my heart ain't beatin' don't mean you won't get laid.
[Wolf howl]
Whoooo-hoo

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Episode 108: Damien - Different

We're all special, in our own way
Everybody's different, but that's okay
"Cause even though we might have different-colored skin
Different points of view, be tall ar thin,
It doesn't mean I can't lay you down, woman, and touch your silky skin
With my love deep inside you, where no man has ever been
Rub you legs, caress your thighs and uh…

Episode 110: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo - Christmas Lovin'

I'm gonna lay you down by the Yule log
I'm gonna love you right
Baby, I'm gonna deck your halls
And silence your nights

You'll hear the herald angels sing
When I'm sliding off your bra
I just can't wait to jingle your bells
and falala your love

You can break my heart
And that means we should make love
'Cause if we don't-

Episode 111: Tom's Rhinoplasty - No Substitute

Nobody could take your place
No way they could match your face, no
You've got it going on in a way so clear,
I just want to buy you a beer…

Uh maybe tonight, at 7:30 or something I could uh - come by and uh -

Pick you up in my caa-a-aaaa-aa-aa-aa-aaar No substitute
No substitute for you No substitute
No, baby, there's No substitute
For you girl No substitute for you now
You know that it's true No substitute
There's just, no substitute for
You!

Episode 112: Mecha Streisand

He does not sing, though he offers this poem:
Give me a little bit of that pepper
Give me a little bit of that salt
put it in the skillet and cook it…

Episode 113: Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut - Waitin'

When a man loves a woman, and a woman loves a man,
Actually, sometimes a man doesn't love a woman, buut…he acts like he does, in order to get some action, heheh
The magic starts to happen, and the two take off their clothes, that's right
And they caress and touch each other, until the part of the man grows

Oooooooooo And they roll around and now things a-really startuh getting hot
And the man says "I love you" and the woman says "hold on a second, I gotta go to the bathroom"
So you wait, and you wait, and you wait and you wait…[pause]…and you wait, and you wait, and you waaaaiit
And you wait and you're coolin' down and she's still goin' to the bathroom

Finally she comes back, and she says, "Baby, I'm gettin' hot!"
And that's when you gotta jam her butt and pump her full of…

Episode 205: Conjoined Fetus Lady - Here We Go, Cows

Here we go Ca-ows, here we go: Unh! Unh!
Here we go Ca-ows, here we go: Unh! Unh!

Episode 205: Conjoined Fetus Lady - Whup Denver's Ass

Ooo, baby, come on.
Just whup Denver's ass!
Gonna need some cream for your ass, because
We're winnin' there…

Episode 208: Summer Sucks - Simultaneous

[slowly]
Baby you know you're the girrrl, for meeee
And aallll that I want to bee-ee-ee-ee is

[faster, with a beat]
You. And me. And her. Simultaneous
You. And me. And you, and you! Simultaneous
Lovin', baby. Two or three, heheh. Simultaneous
Oooo, that's right

You. And me. And you, and you! Simultaneous
Lovin', baby. Two or three, heheh. Simultaneous

Episode 209: Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls - Eponymous

Hey, everybody, have you seen my balls? They're big and salty and brown
If you ever need a quick pick-me-up, just stick my balls in your mouth
Ooooo, suck on my cho-colate salty balls put 'em in your mouth
Put 'em in your mouth and suck 'em and suck 'em…

Episode 214: Chef Aid - Stinky Britches

Stinky britches, you've got those stinky britches
Stinky britches, you've got them stinky britches
Stinky britches, you've - got - stinky britches
Whew!
Stinky!

Episode 303: Chef's Mama - Just Play It Cool

Sometimes you fall in love and you think it feels that way forever.
You change your life and didn't know your friends cause you think it can't get any better.
But then love goes away; no matter what, it doesn't stay as strong.
And then you're left with nothing, cause your tinking with your dong.

So watch out for that love bug! It can destroy like a typhoon wind!
Just play it cool and don't be a fool…
Mr. Garrison: [from the entrance] And never let poontang come between you and your friend.
Chef: Daaamn right, Garrison!

Episode 316: Are You There, God? It's Me, Jesus - Ooo Baby

Ooo baby, yeah baby, ooo baby.
Yeah baby, yeah baby, now baby.
Ooo yeah, yes yes baby
Yeahyeahyeah, uh-huh baby now
Agh! Agh! Awww! No, baby!
Ewww, baby! No, no!
Alright now—I'm alright, I'm-I'm cool, it's okay.
Uh alright, wwatch out for the bedspread, baby.
Look out now, it's- alright, I'll tell you what.
Uuh, how about uuh, uh.

Why don't I call you next week?

Episode 402: The Tooth Fairy's Tats 2000 - Amanda

I can't wait until I grow up
and my weenie get and strong
'Cause when it does I'm gonna bust
And make love to Amanda all night long
I'm gonna make love to Amanda in about ten years!

And that toothpick is gonna turn into an oak tree,…
I'ma knock you down, knock you up,
Knock you over, and knock you all around.

Episode 415: Fat Camp - Prostitutes

Chef: [But] A prostitute is someonen who would love you
No matter who you are, or what you look like.
Yes, it's true, children.
That's not why you pay a prostitute,
no, you don't pay her to stay, you pay her to leave afterwards.
That's why I pays a lot for prostitutes!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. James Taylor.

James Taylor: A prostitute is like any other woman
They all trade somethin' for sex and they do it well.

Chef: And that's why I say-

Chef and James Taylor: Prostitutes! Prostitutes! They-

Episode 502: It Hits The Fan - So Fine and Shit

Baby you are so fine, and shit!
The shit you do, the shit you say; I'd jump on your shit any day!

Episode 512: Here Comes The Neighborhood - Shovel That Snow

Shovel that snow, babih, it's all nice, heavy and wet. Just-

Episode 607: Simpsons Already Did It - Sometimes You...

Sometimes you kill your teacher and they find your semen in her stomach, and uh-