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Biographies: Season 5

Scott Tenorman Must Die


Scott Tenorman, his two buddies, and his parents

Scott Tenorman is a high-school student who sold some pubic hair to Cartman for $10. Stan and Kyle couldn't believe Cartman could be so ignorant about pubic hair. They told him that you hit puberty when grow your own pubic hair, not when you purchase them. Cartman slowly realizes he's been cheated and goes back to get his money. From there, he and Scott try to out-trick each other over several days. It all seems to lead to nowhere, until Cartman sets up a chili con carnival and invites Scott to it. Scott's buddies drop by to see what he's up to, and find him cooking up some chili. Scott arrives at the carnival with his own bowl of chili. Cartman offers Scott a special bowl of chili, which Scott eats eagerly. Then Cartman reveals what he did behind the scenes, when everyone else thought he was doing stupid things like training a pony how to bite off a frankfurter. Kyle and Stan unwittingly set the stage for Scott's parents' demise when they called to warn him of Cartman's weiner-biting pony plan. Cartman figured that Scott would not finish training the pony, and so would send his parents over to feed it. Thus did Cartman warn Mr. Denkins of two pony killers lurking about, and that night, Mr. Denkins sees the "killers" and shoots them dead on the spot. Cartman drags the bodies away and makes his chili from their meat and bones, and offers the chili to Scott, then tells him how he made it. Scott had made his chili with bunches of pubic hair from teens all over South Park and offered it to Cartman, but a fortuitous dish submitted by Chef makes a nice substitute for Scott's dish, which Cartman surmised was laden with pubic hair. So, while Scott ate his parents, Cartman was eating Chef's chili. But how did Cartman know to make chili? His mom taught him, as she had made chili for Cartman's birthday when Damien was in town.

Radiohead

This is the band that Scott likes quite a bit. He has pictures of them on his wall, and he has their albums as well. Cartman used this information to bait Scott one night by playing a tape of an interview featuring Radiohead, but he dubbed his voice over those of the band members. Cartman also invited the band members to meet this Scott Tenorman, and so they came to town, only to see Scott crying into the table. They taunted him and left.

It Hits The Fan


HBC President and his staff

The president of HBC got an idea that would raise the raitings on the shows airing on his network. He will have one show use the word "shit" once, for one episode. When that proved to be a success, he and his staff got together to discuss what their next steps would be. At first they moved cautiously, having another show use the word twice. When that too was a success, they decided to keep using the word "shit" more and more often. Eventually, they decided to produce "Night of a Thousand Shits" in which most every words on the shows that night would be "shit." When the Knights of Standards and Practices got word of this, one of them went to the network offices, entered the boardroom, and warned the staff not to use the "word of curse." To make his point, he decapitated one of the board members, then flew out the window when security began firing at him. The Night went on as planned, but at a high price. The president was humiliated by the results.

People affected by the rampant use of the word "Shit"

Sam, Elderly Couple

Rick Watts, Peter and friend, and Librarian

Randy talks to Sam at the water cooler about the "groundbreaking" event to be shown on TV - the first time a network show would use the word "shit." Other coworkers join in the discussion.
The elderly couple comes out of a store using the word "shit" rather liberally.
Rick Watts is the first to die from using "shit" while reporting from a ranch. Peter's friend is the next shown to die, and the librarian is the third shown to die. All therr die the same way: the relentless use of "shit" triggered the (bubonic) plague among the citizens of South Park and among other Americans around the country, and the plague's last manifestation is vomiting one's intestines out through the mouth.


The Knights of the Royal Order of Standards and Practices

The Knights of Standards and Practices have been frozen in a large mound of ice for quite some time, but they are activated when the word "shit" reaches their ears in sufficient volume to break the ice apart. The ice falls away and they step forth. They start tailing Chef and the boys as they go about trying to find a way to stop "shit" from being used so much. This started when Kyle learned that the plague was started this way. The Knights do their own investigating, following other town members, and finally facing the president of HBC and his staff. Then they go to the studio which tapes the Drew Carey show and kill Drew and Mimi. The men at South Park's bar decide to stop watching TV as they see what the knights are doing. Things on screen go beyond the believable as the Geldon appears. Once the president sees where he went wrong, though, everything works out.


Excalibur barker, waitress, and sorcerer, The Geldon

Chef and the boys go to Las Vegas' Excalibur Hotel to see if they could find people who could help them out in deciphering the rune stone in their possession. The barker deflects their inquiries until Chef shows him the stone. Then he gets serious and leads them to the sorcerer. Along the way, he comes across a waitress, who joins them to the inner sanctum. Once there, the sorcere explains the presence of the Knights of Standards and Practices, and what the constant use of "shit" will lead to: the arrival of the Geldon. The geldon breaks through the floor after the HBC president finishes saying his stream of "shits" and promptly starts destroying the studio. The audience tries to scatter as Kyle aims the rune stone at the geldon, causing the geldon to go back through the floor and the floor to fix itself.


Drew Carey and Mimi

These two were unfortunate enough to say "shit" on the air, but the audience at home had long gotten tired of hearing "shit" so much. The Knights quickly came in and pinned Drew against a cubicle wall with a sword, killing him. They then decapitated Mimi.

Cripple Fight!

Mountain Scoutmasters

They oversee the Mountain Scouts, and so are the ones who rmeoved Big Gay Al from his post as Scoutmaster and send Mr. Grazier in his place. The one in the middle takes over after Mr. Grazier is arrested for child molestation.

Mr. Grazier

Mr. Grazier comes in after Big Gay Al has been dismissed as Scoutmaster, at the urging of the parents of South Park. Mr. Grazier quickly brings order to the troop, as his approach is a military one. But he soon reveals a dark secret, which he tells the boys not to tell anyone. Butters demonstrates it to Big Gay Al, though, and Al realizes who this Mr. Grazier is. Mr. Grazier is eventually arrested and revealed as Mr. Slippyfist, and the pictures he took of the Scouts that first night are confiscated.

Gloria Allred

She's the famous defense lawyer who takes up all kinds of causes (these days she's a talk radio host). She took up Big Gay Al's case once she got word of it. She defended him and won the case, but Al had second thoughts about returning as a Scoutmaster. He dropped the case, saying he'd rather persuade than sue the Scouts to accept gay members within their ranks. She got upset and called him a homophobe.


Field Reporter Chris, Joe, of Joe n' Friends; Steven Spielberg

Chris, the reporter, got reaction from various people about Big Gay Al being removed from Scouts. Among them was Joe, a talk show host, and Director Steven Spielberg. Spielberg was noted in the roport for makiing some pretty bad movies. Chris also interviewed Gloria Allred, who quickly took on the case.


A Girl selling puppies, and a Colorado Supreme Court Chief Justice

The girl was selling puppies when the boys came by and kicked her out of her spot right outside the supermarket. Cartman threw her box of puppies away, and she went after it. The Supreme Court Justice shown delivered the verdict in Big Gay Al's case agains the Scouts.

The Super Best Friends


David Blaine, Blainetologists (a sampling), Steven

David Blaine is a magician who started out on the streets, as we first see him perform some street magic. Once he finishes his act, he passes out material about Blainetology. Interested parties are invited to visit his complex outside of Denver, and many people go. Most of the attendees become converts, and receive haircuts and uniforms. All of them look the same, but there are ways to tell them apart. Steven is the guide for the new converts, indoctrinating them in the ways of Blainetology, and is essentially Blaine's right-hand man. Blaine does all the magic, Steven does all the teaching.

The Super Best Friends

Krishna, Buddha, Mohammed

Joseph Smith, Lao Tse, Sea-Man

Jesus we've already met. But he's got best friends, and most of them come from other religions. Sea-man comes from the sea. Each of these friends has one superpower or another. Krishna is the Hindu deity who has the power of morphing, and so can become any animal he wishes. Buddha has the power of invisibilility, and so can surprise his opponents in battle. Mohammed is the Muslim prophet with the power of fire, and so has the power to make instant statues from muddy clay. Jospeh Smith is the Mormom prophet with the power of ice, and so can freeze anything. Lao Tse is the found of Taoism and has the power of animation, so he can bring inanimate objects to life. Sea-Man has the ability to breathe underwater and link mentally with fish.


Elderly Woman, The cast of That's My Bush

The elderly woman was one of the people Cartman and Kyle visited as they went door to door, and she signed on as a potential convert. She and her husband were present at the Blaine concert. The cast of That's My Bush makes a cameo appearance here as it witnesses the Blainetologists killing themselves in the Reflecting Pool.


Statue of Abraham Lincoln and Statue of John Wilkes Booth

Blaine brought the statue of Abraham Lincoln to life in order to show just how much power he can wield. The super best friends responded to this by making a statue of John Wilkes Booth, as directed by Moses, the one super best friend who didn't leave the Hall of Super Best Friends. Krishna turns into a beaver to chop down some wood, Mohammed goes for some concrete, Sea-Man goes for some water from the sea, Jesus creates a mold from the wood Krishna chopped down, Joseph Smith helps Sea-Man pour the water and concrete into the mold, and Lao-Tse brings the statue to life. Booth then approaches Lincolm from behind and shoots him one. Lincoln falls forward and becomes inanimate again.

Terrance & Phillip: Behind the Blow

The Earth Day Brainwashing Committee

Theis committee comes to South Park to promote Earth Day. Mr. Farliss heads the committee, and he has an imposing presence. He uses a Jedi mind trick to hypnotize the person he's talking to - he moves his arm through the air as if to wipe away all resistance to his suggestion. When that fails to work, he has his assistant Carl chop off body parts from Kenny until the boys finally come through with Terrance and Phillip.


Bouncer, Boy wearing glasses, Female Groupie, Fat Groupie

These are some of the people the boys come across when they wait in line to visit Terrance. The bouncer points them to the line where all the official presidents of the Phillip and Terrance fan clubs wait to see Terrance. One of the boys they see wears glasses. The blond female groupie is with Terrance and tells him she enjoyed their moment together. He simply dismisses her, and she's not happy. The fat groupie comes in and begins to make out with Terrance, and after a while, the boys jump out of her spandex pants. She sees this and runs away horrified.

Phillip Stand-in

This guy appeared with Terrance when Terrance and Phillip were asked to come to South Park for Earth Day festivities. He performed a few skits with Terrance, but drew no reaction from the audience. Stan knew that something terrible had happened in the world of Terrance and Phillip, and he had to find out what.


Ed Sullivan, Sonny & Cher, Goat Leader In Cartoon

Terrance and Phillip began doing stuff together as babies, and soon got famous in Canada as kids. They began to appear on American variety show like the Ed Sullivan Show and Sonny and Cher, and so got to meet those stars. They farted on Sonny and Cher. In the 1990s they starred in their own animated show as a pair of spacemen traveling from world to world, and one of the species they come across is goat people. The goat leader in the show complains that the duo are killing off his people with their deadly farts.

Cartmanland


Priest at Grandma Cartman's funeral, and assistant, Executor of Grandma Cartman's estate, South Park banker

Grandma Cartman has died, and we find Cartman's family at the funeral. Cartman's impatient to get the funeral over with and then go home, but his mom says they've got other business to do in town. They all go to the bank to see what each person will get, and the executor announces that Cartman, the main beneficiary, will get $1 million. Cartman is stunned and asks for clarification, and the executor confirms it. Cartman gets his million and goes to the bank to cash it in. The banker spends quite a while counting the cash, but finally finishes.


Mr. Frank Foon, Chris, the investment broker, Money Quest hosts

Waitress, IRS agents, including Frank Garrett

The investment broker first appears when Cartman cashes the million dollars he got from his Grandma's estate at the local bank in South Park. The broker then appears to negotiate the transfer of North Park Land from Mr. Foon to Cartman. Mr. Foon hasn't been successful with the park, and so gladly accepts the million dollars from Cartman. Cartman buys the park for himself and no one else, and he produces a commercial to say so. Stan and Kyle see the commercial and decide to break into the park. Cartman catches them and sends them home, but he hires the South Park Mall's chief of security to guard the park. The guard tells him he needs to get paid if he's gonna guard the park, so Cartman allows two people to enter the park, and no one else. When one of the rides breaks down, Cartman has to hire a repairman, so he allows two more people into the park. And so he lets two more people into the park for every employee he hires, and pretty soon the park is doing such great business that Cartman is featured in "Money Quest." The hosts of that show hail Cartman as a financial genius, and show how Cartman's method is being used by other businesses. One of the businesses featured is a restaurant with no one seated at any of the tables, and the waitress saying the restaurant is already booked, so no one can eat there. Unfortunately, all the fame and business the park is earning Cartman is everything Cartman didn't want. In desperation he sells the park back to Mr. Foom at cost. The IRS agents comes in and take the money away. Half of it goes to the service for taxes not reported to it, and the other half goes to the McCormicks, who lost their son on one of the rides. The agents inform Cartman that he's got another $13,000 to pay off. Cartman looks for Mr. Foon and tries to buy the park back so he can earn back the money, but Mr. Foon brushes him off and disappears.


Doctor, The Hemorrhoid

While all this is going on, Kyle is being treated for a hemorrhoid in his ass, and the doctor and nurse treat him well. The hemorrhoid is persistent, though, and not even Bible stories will help. Kyle loses his faith in God. When Cartman is throwing rocks at the park he lost, Stan comes in and tells Kyle to come see what's going on. When Sheila tells Stan Kyle might not make it, Stan urges the doctor to take everybody to the park. They all arrive, including Kyle with gurney and other hospital items. Kyle opens his eyes and slowly gets pleased at what he sees. His vitals go back up and the doctor checks him out once more. The hemorrhoid, now seen, goes into remission, and Kyle's faith in God is restored.

Proper Condom Use

Assistant Pharmacist

This is her first appearance, though she might have been working at the pharmacy for a while. She intervenes when Mark, the Pharmacist, denies condoms to the boys, who came in to get some when they learned that you need them to prevent getting diseases such as AIDS from girls. She also finds some condoms just the right size for nine-year-old penises.

Towelie


Towelie, Towelie Clone, GS-401

Towelie is a talking towel apparently made to see if a certain species of alien could make its home here, though a competing theory has it that it was designed to dry human skin out so much that humans would be rendered helpless and the aliens could take over without much trouble. Towelie is friendly enough, but he's got one drawback: He loves to get high. Thus the plans of two competing organizations are thwarted, and neither of them can control Towelie. Both companies have tried to clown Towelie, Tynacorp being the more successful of them. It comes out with GS-401, a new, more powerful towel, presumably more absorbent, but definitely out to get Towelie. GS-401 tries to get Towelie to choose between his new friends and his favorite toke, but Towelie manages to do both, much to GS-401's surprise. Towleie gets to go home and play video games with the boys.


Tynacorp Research Team, the leader Zytar, and an Official

Resistance Commander and Soldiers

These two groups fought over Towelie all throughout the episode, each trying to sway the boys to see things its way. But the boys didn't care one bit - they wanted their GameSphere back. Tynacorp was the corporation which created Towelie as a way to see if the alien species behind the company could survive on Earth. The resistance group dressed as the military didn't want this alien species to make its home here, as it felt the towels were made to dry humans out and allow the aliens to take over without much trouble. Towelie did have a hidden camera, which recorded a conversation between the resistance and the boys. But because Towelie had gotten out of hand by smoking pot, Tynacorp made a new prototype to replace Towelie. Both groups, though, denied having the GameSphere until the boys saw it for themsevles at Tynacorp. The Tynacorp research leader was exposed as an alien, but by then, the boys were too busy playing their game.

A woman

She was in the restroom freshening up when the guns came. She had asked her hubby, Kevin, to wrap some potato salad in aluminum foil when she heard some noise downstairs. She turned to check any possible sources when the bathroom door opened. She fell to her knees and covered her head as the rifles went off. The soldiers left when their work was done, and she stood up to check her body: no holes or blood anywhere. She turned to see her towels — they were in tatters, and she stood there, puzzled.

Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants

The four Afghan boys, including Akmarh

These are the four boys the South Park boys send their $1 bills to. Each is a counterpart of one of the four boys we all know and love. The counterparts to Cartman and Kenny are easy to spot, but Kyle's counterpart looks like Stan while Stan's counterpart looks a little like Kyle. Akmarh is the name of the lead kid in this group, and he's Kyle's counterpart. Every place they go to gets bombed, like the basketball court, the cinema, and their own home. They send a goat to the South Park boys as a courtesy for getting the $4. The South Park boys want to sent the goat back, but they end up unexpectedly going with the goat to Afghanistan, and there they meet the four Afghan boys. The Afghan boys meet the SP boys, but they don't want the goat back. In their culture, once a gift is given or sent, there's no return unless it's to exchange it for something else. The Afghan boys don't see the SP boys again until they see a news report which shows the SP boys in the hands of the Taliban in Osama bin Laden's cave. The Afghan boys decide to help the SP boys, as the SP boys didn't do anything to deserve being kidnapped by the Taliban. The Afghan boys sneak into bin Laden's cave through a secret tunnel, and so appear next to the SP boys after opening a traodoor in the floor. Once outside, all the boys can do is watch the Americans and the Taliban fight each other, but a barrage of bullets kills Kenny and his counterpart. Akmarh returns fire in anger, and the two gruops of boys face each other and argue. Once Osama and the Taliban are blown up, the Afghan kids decide to leave. They've done their part, and the Americans are victorious. The Afghan boys walk away still hating the United States, which leaves Kyle puzzled.


SNN reporter, Postman, Taxi driver

The SNN reporter gave reports on the flurry of motocycle accidents going on around town, the terrorist-related AIDS epidemic, and the capture of Stevie Nicks and the South Park boys. The postan says the USPS won't fly to Afghanistan - only military planes are goung there. The Afghan driver takes the boys to the house where the Afghan boys live, and then drives away.



Soldiers, officials, and other personnel

The soldiers are ready for war, but they find that Stevie Nicks is going with them, and so treat her with dignity. They carry out the battle to defeat Osama bin Laden and the Taliban and to save Stevie Nicks. One of them, Tony, is especially fond of Ms. Nicks. A pilot knocks the boys into the cargo hold with the goat, and opens the door when they arrive in Afghanistan. After being told Cartman farted in the plane, the pilot sticks his nos in and sniffs... and then throws up and passes out. The HazMat men, in white, check the package Stan received for radiation and other hazardous materials, and declare it clean. The SWAT team, in gray, then goes in, rigs the package, and opens it without disturbing the contents. The officials oversee the whole thing, and Johnson, wearing shades, is sent in to check the goat over for anthrax and other diseases. Johnson declares the goat clean after he licks it a bit.


Protesters, Osama bin Laden and the Taliban soldiers

After the South Park boys leave the house the Afghan boys live in, they walk along and run into a group of protesters. Stan and Kyle set up a quick ruse, acting Canadian. Cartman won't go along with this, and so unwittingly betrays them. The leader of the group turns out to be a Taliban soldier, and there are a few more among the protesters. The Taliban soldiers come out of the group and lead the boys into the mountains, to a remote cave. There they meet Osama bin Laden, who spits on Cartman and tapes a few more announcements before celebrating his birthday. While he's celebrating with his inner circle, the Americans come calling with tanks and helicopters, and so the soldiers scramble to respond while bin Laden barks commands into a cell phone. When the Afghan boys come and save the SP boys, Cartman stays behind to engage bin Laden in a battle of wits. After executing a few moves which can be found in classic cartoons, Cartman has Osama bin Laden dress up as Uncle Sam to make one last announcement. The Taliban soldiers see this, surround bin Laden, and open fire. Bin Laden then looks at the "mic" he's been speaking into and sees that it's a stick of dynamite. It blows up, blowing away the Taliban while leaving bin Laden charred and injured. An American soldier walks up and shoots him in the head. Osama falls forward and dies.


Fleetwood Mac, with goat

The goat is sent to the boys as a matter of courtesy, but the boys have nowhere to put a goat. They plan to sent it back to Afghanistan, to the Afghan boys who sent it to them. The boys get stuck in the cargo hold with the goat, and so end up in Afghanistan to meet the Afghan boys. After the Afghan boys reject the offer to get the goat back, the goat just follows the SP boys. Stan melts, but Cartman doesn't. Still, the goat goes with the boys. The soldiers hear the goat bleat, and mistake it for Stevie Nicks. This mistaken identity makes its way into the news, as the SNN anchor reports on the capture of Stevie Nicks and the SP boys. When the goat reappears outside bin Laden's cave with the boys, a soldier makes his way across the battlefield and retrieves it. The Americans pull back. After the Taliban is blown up and bin Laden killed, the armed services hold a USO show for the troops and present Fleetwood Mac to perform in concert. The lead singer, Stevie Nicks, is brought in, and she starts bleating - no one has bothered to tell the troops that the goat is not Stevie Nicks.

How To Eat With Your Butt

Stephen and Martha Thompson, with Ben Affleck

The Thompsons first appear when Cartman decides to put Kenny's current school picture on milk cartons as a prank. He learns from the milk compnay that a couple contacted the company looking for their son, and he just gets a kick out of it and tells his friends about it. When he finally meets them he wants to burst out laughing, but he can't, and goes right upstairs a bit stunned. Stan and Kyle, laughing, direct the couple to Kenny's house, and the couple leaves with Mrs. Garthunk. Kenny's parents explain the prank and the couple understands. Still, Mrs Thompson sobs. Outside, one by one, the boys look in, then Officer Barbrady looks in and calls out to a few people. Mr. Garrison, Mrs. Broflovski, and Chef show up and look in as well. The Thompsons are given a tour of the milk production plant and then shown a room where names of missing chilidren are submitted and any matches found. The Thompsons learn that there is a child with their deformity who has gone on to be famous, and his name... is Ben Asslick... ahem, Ben Affleck

South Park Milk Company President

He apologizes to the Thompsons for the milk company's printing Kenny's picture on its milk cartons and gives them a tour of the plant as a way to make things up to them. He also shows them the room where the computer search for their son will take place and has Mrs. Garthunk start the search. Once the Thompson son is found, the president sets up a press conference where the boy, now a famous man, will be reunited with his parents.

Mrs. Garthunk, receptionist

She helps Cartman get Kenny's picture out on South Park Milk cartons, and one of them reaches the Thompsons, which is why they're in South Park looking for their son. She helps them look for the kid in the picture, but that turns out to be Kenny, so she goes and does a computer search for a child who has the same deformity as the Thompsons, then does a search for children who've reported their parents missing and who have the same defect. She finally finds the boy, but learns he's now a man, and a famous one at that. She gets to introduce the man to his parents at a press conference.

The Entity

Cousin Kyle, from Connecticut

Cousin Kyle comes to live with Kyle because his mom back in Connecticut has gotten too sick to care for him. Kyle, the one we know, is quite embarrassed, since his cousin seems to be a Jewish stereotype personified. He pays Cartman not to rag on Cousin Kyle, but Cartman finds it very hard to restrain himself. Cousin Kyle is quite fastidious, given his various ailments, and he's not very good at sports. The boys find various ways to get rid of him, but he keeps coming back, never telling Kyle's mother that the boys were behind the accidents he got himself into. He stumbled into Mr. Garrison's back yard as Mr. Garrison pitched IT to his guests, and invested in the vehicle. After the governent closed down Mr. Garrison's IT business, cousin Kyle got a $5 million severance check and shared the news with his mother. Now that cousin Kyle has the money, he can go back and help his mother with her medical bills and his own. Before he leaves, he tells his cousin and friends that they seem to come right from a book of stereotypes. That stings them.


Field Reporter Jeff Arrando, and John Travolta

Jeff Arrando is the field reporter who covers the IT story at Mr. Garrison's announcement and IT's debut at Better Buy. The first time out, Arrando has stains on his left lapel. He notices and brushes it off. In his second report, he's got a clean suit on.
John Travolta has appeared once before, but not in an episode. He appeared in the MTV 2000 short spoof of Gladiator, Battlefield Earth, Staying Alive, and Scientology. He returns here to provide a testimonial for IT.


Donald Trump, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Steve Forbes

They are four of the six investors mentioned by Arrando. The other two, Ted Turner and Yasmine Bleeth, are not included, as they had no lines. The inportant one here is Steve Jobs. He said in real life what he said in the epiosde: that the IT, or the Ginger Device, would revolutionize city planning - we will have to rethink cities. All the investors were duly impressed with Garrison's device, but Gates expressed doubts about the comfort of the thing. The others simply said it beats what one goes through at the airports.

Airport Security Guard

He is the only airport security guard left after Mr Garrison's IT decimated the airline industry. He personifies just how slow security checkin and checkout can be at any airport, and so personifies just why customers are so upset at airports. He takes his time checking Kenny for anything suspicious and finds a toenail clipper. He promptly shoots Kenny dead. That scene skewers the fact that knives and forks are no longer allowed in the airplane cabin during flight, as they can be used as deadly weapons. So can toenail clippers.

Here Comes the Neighborhood


Will and Jada Pinkett Smith; Frederick, Lisa, and Daniel; Dominique and Zizi

Will Smith is the first person to respond to an ad extolling South Park as the next Aspen, a quiet, undiscovered town. He calls a few of his friends, like Snoop Dogg, Kobe Bryant, and Magic Johnson, to join him there as residents. Here, he has three kids: Frederick (the older boy), Lisa, and Daniel. Token takes the three kids on a tour of his mansion. Frederick and Lisa go off to play with Token and introduce him to several other kids, like Oprah's adopted kids Dominique and Zizi above, and Puff Daddy's kids P Diddy Mini, P Poofy Bite Size, and Poppa Diddy Diddy Puff Fun Size. All the kids except Token decide to go down to South Park mall and do some shopping - to buy stores, that is. Token joins them reluctantly.Later, the kids play polo, and Frederick bumps Token off when Token was looking at Stan and his friends playing roshambo. Token decides he doesn't fit in anywhere in town, and so goes off to live with lions. Meanwhile, the men of the town go after the richers. The Smith kids arrive, but don't understand what's going on, so they huddle in fear until their father Will tells them to find the limo and get in there for safety. Soon, all the rich folk that moved in are seen fleeing the town.


Snoop Dogg, Oprah Winfrey, Kobe Bryant

Bill Cosby and kids, Carl and Martin

Snoop Dogg is laying down some tracks when he's first seen and heard, but when he's on the phone with Will he sounss quite different. He is seen later in the episode marching with the other rich folk. Oprah is building a huge place on Main. She directs the workers on where to put one pool and plans for another pool to be placed nearby. Kobe Bryant shows up at the local bar and orders some cheap drinks. No one will serve him because there's a Wolfgang Puck's across the street, and that's where richers like Kobe should go for their beers, so he leaves in protest. Later, his house is the first one targeted by Mr Garrison and the other men - a lowercase t is placed on Kobe's lawn and torched. Bill Cosby gets on the bus with two of his children and find seats in the back. They're told to move to the front, where first-class seats are present, so Cosby and his kids move up to the front and take seats there. Carl and Martin are the first to wonder if the town is "hainted." All these people are soon forced to flee the town.


Aslan the Lion and other lions

The lions here are a reference to C. S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia, specifically, "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe". The chief lion among them is Aslan, the creator of Narnia and of the Talking Beasts in it. In this episode, Aslan is the king of the pride at South Park Zoo, and the two lions shown are part of the pride. Token comes to live with them for a while, but is eventually disillusioned with life there because the lions love to play jokes on each other, no matter how lame they are. He goes back to live with his friends, the poor boys of South Park.

Kenny Dies


Planned Parenthood Doctor and Nurse, and Ms. Sanders

ARG Truck Driver, ARG Receptionist, and ARG Dr. Larry

There are the first people we meet. Ms. Sanders goes in for her abortion. As she and the doctor talk about the procedure, a laugh track is heard, and that's found to be the television. Once the doctor begins the abortion we hear the procedure's sucking sounds, which are accompanied by the hum of what turns out to be a vacuum cleaner out in the hall, which isn't far from what was actually happening in the room. The doctor gives the fetal remains to a nurse, who takes them and packs them in a box, to be sent to Alder Research Group. The stock boys in back of the clinic pack a bunch of boxes into an ARG truck. The ARG truck driver takes the boxes away to Alder Research Group, but on the highway there, a deer leaps out in front of him, and he swerves to avoid it. He and the truck go over the side of the road and fall down a cliff. The driver dies, and the truck is totaled. Its contents spill onto the snow. Cartman finds the aborted fetuses and gets his Radio Flyer to cart them all back to his house. He then tries to sell the fetuses to various firms and finally secceeds in selling them — to ARG, the very company that lost them in the truck accident. Cartman doesn't make the connection, and the company doesn't recognize the fetuses as the ones they lost. The receptionist informs Dr. Larry about Cartman and the fetuses they signed to buy, but Dr. Larry says the government has banned aborted fetuses from being used in research and so the sale is off. Cartman destroys one of the fetuses upon hearing this news, then goes back and tries to sell the fetuses again, even as shrimp, but sells only one. He returns to Dr. Larry after learning that Kenny was going to die of a terminal illness and talks to him about stem cells and how to reverse the ban on aborted fetuses. He decides to go to Congress and plead his case, and is successful. ARG can resume using fetuses in its stem-cell research.


Kenny's Doctor and Nurse, and Laura Jones and Bob Ferrin

The doctor and nurse are two staff members of Hell's Pass Hospital. The doctor treats Kenny as Kenny dies from an unspecified terminal illness. The nurse comes in from time to time to make sure Kenny is resting well. She also brings in Laura Jones and Bob Ferrin from the Make-A-Wish Foundation. As they said, the Foundation tries to make the last dying wish of a child come true. They brought with them a cameraman to capture the moment, and a guest star. Kenny's not sure who they are, but when he hears Madonna is outside he disses her.

Butters' Very Own Episode


Busy Beaver Moving Company Truck Driver, Gas Station Mechanic

These are the two people Butters met on his way back to South Park. He meets the driver after climbing out of the river. The driver takes him towards South Park, but his constant chatter gets on the driver's nerves, and the driver has had enough after Butters starts singing. The driver drops him off and leaves. Butters then walks along until he finds an eerie gas station mechanic who'll take him to South Park when his wife returns with the car. Butters can't wait that long, so the mechanic points him down a dark, scary road, and Butters walks on down. Eventually, he makes it out of there without a scratch, even though a predator was following his every move down the road, and even trained his 3-dot laser sites on him. He returns for the "Asspen" episode to give some warnings about the K13 Stan is to tackle the next day.


Police Chief and various policemen

John and Patsy Ramsey, Gary Condit, and O.J. Simpson

The police come in to investigate the Stotches' claims that their son was abducted by some Puerto Rican guy. One of the officers bring in the Ranseys, who have seen the news and feel that they and the Stotches could help each other, as their daughter was killed sometime ago. The Stotches are sure to tell the Ramseys that Butters has not yet been determined to be dead. The Ramseys talk up the Stotches and take them out to lunch at the I am Siam Thai Cuisine restaurant, where they wait for two other people in what turns out to be a support group. Those two othe people are Gary Condit, whose girlfriend is missing, and O.J., who lost his wife in a murder seven years ago. These four decide to enroll the Stotches in their group, and celebrate with a bizarre song. After Butters returns home, the Stotches call another news conference to apologize to the Ranseys, Condit, and Simpson.