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| Joan: | [addresing Matt] Gwyneth, you look fabulous. |
| Matt: | Oh, thanks. Everyone looks fabulous. |
| Trey: | It's a magical night. |
| Matt: | It's a magical night. |
| Trey: | It's a night of magic. |
| Matt: | It's a night of magic and stars, and everyone looks fabulous. |
| Trey: | I'm so excited! [bobs around] |
| Joan: | Are your parents watching, I hope? |
| Matt: | I hope so. |
| Trey: | My mom and dad are watching, yes, I think. |
| Marc: | [off camera] Joan, who are you wearing? |
| Matt: | My mom are wat- my mom was watching 'til right about now. |
| Joan: | [laughs] Your mom right now is explaining to everybody… Will you change for the party, or are you smart enough to get it that this was a great photo-op? |
| Matt: | Well, we're gonna play it by ear. [Joan strokes Marc's fur coat] |
| Joan: | Your first Academy Awards? |
| Trey: | …What? |
| Joan: | Your first Academy Awards show? |
| Trey: | First one and probably last. |
| Matt: | First one and probably last. I don't think they'll ever invite us back again. [after this, the trio leave. Joan turns to the camera] |
| Joan: | Those guys look like idiots! |
as performed by Robin Willians
| Source | Stanza | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| "Blame Canada" |
Times have changed. Our kids are getting worse. They won't obey their parents; They just want to fart and curse. Should we blame the government? Or blame society? Or should we blame the images on TV? NO! Blame Canada! | Blame Canada!
| Second Chorus | It seems that everything's gone wrong | Since Cananda came along. Resume
| Blame Canada! | Blame Canada! We need to form a full assault; It's Canada's fault!
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| Don't blame yourself | For your son Stan. He saw the darn cartoon, And now he's off to join the Klan. And my boy Eric once, Had my picture on his shelf, But now when he sees me, he tells me to [crowd gasps] myself! "La Resistance" Medley
| Blame Canada! | Blame Canada! Because when Canada is gone There'll be no more Celine Dion! "Blame Canada"
| Blame Canada! Blame Canada! | They're not even a real country anyway.
| Kenny coulda been a doctor or a lawyer, rich and true
| Instead he burned up like a piggy on a barbecue. Should we blame the matches? Should we blame the fire? Or the doctors who allowed him to expire?
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| Heck No! Blame Canada!
| Blame Canada! With all their hockey hullabaloo! And that bitch Anne Murray, too!
| First Chorus variation
| Blame Canada! | Blame Canada! All I can say is, oy, gevalt, It's Canada's fault!
| Everybody!
| [at this point the townsfolk move to the rear and stand on platforms behind the mountains and above Willams while female Canadian Mounties wearing short shorts prance out and join him. Several people come out wielding "No Canada" flags]
| Showstopper
| Blame Canada! Blame Canada! | with Bryan Adam's beady eyes ["The Canadian government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions..."]And Margaret Trudeau's friendly thighs [According to Art Fein, in 1977 Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau's young wife, Margaret (he was 58, she 29), left her wedding anniversary, husband and three children to see a Stones show - and subsequently, to tour with the Brits. Along the way she slept with Mick Jagger. After she switched beds to sleep with Ron Wood, Jagger remarked, "I wouldn't go near her with a barge pole." When Maggie returned and Pierre asked where she'd been, she replied, "None of your fucking business"]Blame Canada! Shame on Canada For… Coda:
| The smut we must stop, the trash we must smash, | the laughter and fun must all be undone. We must blame them and cause a fuss, Before somebody thinks of blaming us! |
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