The Guest Stars of
"Medicinal Fried Chicken"
by Wild Willie Westwood
Billy and the Colonel
Billy, Tommy, Colonel Sanders, Teabag
Tough Boy 2, Tough Boy 3, Billy's Mom
Tommy leads Cartman to Billy Miller, who started a black market for KFC when KFC was outlawed in Colorado. Billy has Cartman perform a few jobs for him, including a deal with Teabag which goes wrong and enables Cartman to keep the money as well as the chicken, then sends him to Kentucky with Tommy to strike a deal with Colonel Sanders, who has Tommy taken away and hung from a helicopter. Cartman returns alone with a deal, but Billy protests that he can't move that much chicken. Cartman tells him he won't be around much longer, then tells him that he told his mom about that F in a social studies test. She comes down and takes Billy away. With Billy out of the way, Cartman takes over Billy's operation and eats all the chicken he sees. One tough boy expresses concern at Cartman eating up all the product, and another one comes to tell him that Colonel Sanders is on the phone. When the Colonel talks to him about what happened, Cartman tells him there was a problem. The Colonel tells him he knew, and reminds Cartman about not fucking him. Cartman gets pissed off and the basement the operation is in is attacked by some of the Colonel's goons. Only Cartman makes it out of the basement alive.
Dispensary Clerk, Dispensary Customer, Methadone Clerk, Nurse
The dispensary clerk tells Randy that KFC is gone. Randy becomes a new customer and orders pot when he can, but his balls get to big and he can't fit through the door anymore. Randy then leads a protest for bigger doors at weed stores. The customer is the first to tell Randy that KFC is gone. The methadone clerk tries to help Cartman get over his KFC addiction, but it doesn't work. The nurse brings test results to Dr. Doctor, who becomes alarmed at the growing number of testicular cancer cases.
Coach, Worker 1, Worker 2
The coach runs the boys through some drills and exercises during soccer practice. Cartman is next to him managing not to participate. The two workers are taking down all evidence of KFC when Cartman arrives to the Salida one with his mom. The second one tells him marijuana is outlawed all throughout Colorado, since there are no low-income areas there.
Player 1, Player 2, Player 3
These poker players ask Randy to share his weed with them. Randy tells them they should nuke their balls in their microwave ovens so they can get big balls like he does and then get medicinal marijuana cards so they can get pot to cope with their testicular cancer.
Townsfolk
Woman 1 (Travis's wife), Woman 2 and 3, Woman 4 and 5
Man 1, Man 2, Man 3
The women marvel at the size of Randy's balls and those of the men they see hopping down the street. The two women who talk to Sharon marvel at the scrotum coat Dr. Doctor made from Randy's excess scrotal skin, and Sharon is pleased. The men debate on what should be done about legalizing marijuana.