The Guest Stars of
"You Have 0 Friends"
by Wild Willie Westwood
Kip Drordy and his parents, Isiah Jordan
Kip Drordy is a six year old third grader who has a Facebook page but no friends on it. He's waiting for someone to discover him and add him as a friend. Kyle fulfills that role. Kip tells his parents about his new friend and then about all the things they do together, including farming. His parents don't realize that Kip is not doing all this in real life, but online. Meanwhile, Kyle begins losing friends because Kip is on his friend list. He seeks out Cartman's help in fixing this, and Cartman tells him he has to dump Kip as a friend. Kyle resists this, but when Isiiah becomes a Facebook friend, Kyle's dilemma gets worse. At an online café party, Kyle's profile meets up with Isiah's profile. Isiah's profile drops Kyle's profile as a friend, and Kyle has no choice but to drop Kip if he is to have Facebook friends again. Kyle drops Kip, and Kip has 0 friends again, until over 825,000 new friends suddenly pop up on his screen. Kp is happy once again.
Brian (Man 1), Man 2, Dude
Brian is a friend of Jimbo's who commented on Stan's status. He was waiting for a reply, but wasn't getting one. He reminded Stan about this when he saw him on the street. Man 2 is upset that Stan hasn't added him as a friend. Stan says he doesn't know him at all, but the man spits on him and drives off, pissed that he's so easy to ignore. The dude appears on Chatroulette, which seems to have a lot of penises on it. When Cartman and Kyle finally find a face on canera, they talk to it, only to see the dude get up and walk to the other end of his room, drop trou, and start showing his penis. Cartman quickly moves on.
Grandma Marsh and Kevin Donahue, Susan92 and Gary Johnson
Profile 1 (Tom Davis) and Profile 2 (Linda Green), Profile 3, Profile 4, Profile 5
Guards, Profile 6, Referee
The various profiles here interact with each other in the game grid that operates under Facebook. We finally get to see what one of Stan's grandmas looks like, as well as Susan92, the 92 year old woman Wendy was jealous about. Profiles 3 and 4 ingore Stan, while Profile 5 tells Stan that the guards are taking him to the gaming arena, where fates are decided with a round of Yahtzee. The referee calls out the contestants, which are Stan and Profile 6. Stan does battle with Profile 6 and defeats him, and Profile 6 is deleted from Facebook. Stan encounters his own profile in the party it made in his name, and it turns out to be much larger than any of the other profiles. The referee again officiates the match, and Stan defeats his own profile with a Yahtzee again. Stan's profile is deleted, and Stan is relieved that he has no friends again.