The Secrets of

by Wild Willie Westwood, with sources from all over the Web

Players and their Broncos counterparts:
Stan - #7 - John Elway
Kyle - #30 - David Bruton
Cartman - #53 - Steven Johnson
Kenny - #84 - Jacob Tamme
Butters - #14 - Brandon Stokley
Kevin - #12 - Matthew Willis
Token - #20 - Mike Adams
Dog Poo - #26 - Rahim Moore
Clyde - #8 - Kyle Orton
Craig - #9 - Brady Quinn
The eleventh kid is Jason, who wears #18, then #54. There are other kids in the locker room who also suit up, but aren't on the field, like Jimmy, Timmy, Bill, and a boy who looks like Terrence Mephesto (if it isn't him).

With Butters running, the paired off players are
Dog Poo / Craig
Kenny / Token
Stan / Kyle
Cartman / Jason
Clyde / Kevin

Animation error: Everyonen in Congress stops clapping (but the sound of it continues) a second before the camera switches over to the boys' locker room.

Randy was being sarcastic about how safe football and other bruising sports are already, but everyone thought he wanted them to be even safer. He was also attacking how screwed up our priorities are when we focus more on sports and entertainment than on our own government and economy.

Cartman doesn't recognize semen when he sees it, even though he's swallowed it in "The Simpsons Already Did It" and masturbated Ben Affleck in "Fat Butt and Pancake Head."

Butters is the first of the boys to ejaculate, apparently, and he's made himself a sizable collection of semen in his closet, making him the first kid with his own sperm bank.

Do the Dew, get the Goo!