The Guest Stars of
"Sexual Harassment Panda"
by Wild Willie Westwood
Tom Morris, aka Petey, the Sexual Harassment Panda
Mr. Garrison has been asked to talk about sexual harassment in schools, so he introduces Petey, the Sexual Harassment Panda, to help him make the material more acceessible to the class. While Petey goes through the various sections of the sexual harassment law, Stan calls Cartman an ass-sucker, and Cartman sues. Kyle's dad is asked to represent Cartman. He does and wins the case. The payoff is rather small, so Mr. Broflovski suggests that Cartman go after the school. This begins a series of lawsuits agsinst the school that dries up the school budget and forces the firing of Petey. Petey tries to get work elsewhere, but fails. He goes to The Company to find work, but is told that the Island of Misfit Mascots Commune might be beter for him. He goes there to live until the boys find him and cnvince him to return to South Park and preach against frivolous lawsuits, which is what the rash of sexual harassment lawsuits became. Petey's real name is Tom Morris, but he's so into his role that he bristles when someone calls him by his real name.
Judge Julie
Judge Julie is the presiding judge over the sexual harassment lawsuits. Her usual awards are: half the defendant's stuff and a sum of $1-2 million from South Park Elementary and the South Park school district. She runs her court with great efficiency. When Petey returns to preach against frivolous lawsuits, Gerald drops the case, and Judge Julie adjourns the court.
Mr. Evans, South Park School Board
The school board is called into session to deal with the rash of sexual harassment lawsuits. Mr. Evans leads the board, so he has to decide what to keep and what to remove in order to defend the schools against plaintiffs. He ordered the students desk, the chalk, and the classroom furniture to be sold. He and the other members hide behind their chairs when Stan and his friends come in to talk to Petey. Mr. Evans and the man to his right return in the fourth season for "Cherokee Hair Tampons," wherein Mr. Garrison is fired from teaching because of his police record. Principal Victoria replaces the woman to Mr. Evans' left for that hearing.
Skeeter and Bar Patrons, The Collector, The Company Rep, Kevin McCarty
Small parts for each of these. The Collector accompanies Gerald in collecting the items the plaintiffs win. He's there when Gerald and Cartman come to collect half of Stan's belongings, which includes an asthma inhaler. He offers Gerald either a choo-choo or a squishy football as his part of the award. Skeeter and the bar patrons, who haven't appeared in the series until now, usually harass whomever they see by saying they don't take too kindly to him/her/them. The barkeep tries to soothe them, but they simply press the issue. Eventually, the barkeep gets tired of them once he sees that, for all their obnoxiousness, they are all bark and no bite. The Company rep talks to Petey about employment opportunities in The Company - there are none - and suggests the Island of Misfit Mascots Commune. Kevin McCarty is a local reporter who gets sued by Gerald for expressing a negative opinion about him. Skeeter was the first to charge Jesus at the New Year's 1999 concert in Las Vegas.
The Misfit Mascots
Willy The Worm, Oinky The Pig, Jimmy The Falcon, Happy The Badger
These are four of the mascots the boys happen upon in the Island of Misfit Mascots commune as they look for Petey, the Sexual Harassment Panda. Willy demonstrates the blindness one may get if one stares right at the sun, while Jimmy demonstrates the effects of a powerful electric current on a large powerful magnet (Kenny is chopped up). Oinky runs around with scissors when he shouldn't, while Happy doesn't do anything to irritate his inner ear. Other mascots include a whale and octopus, Atomic Man, a cloud, a football, etc.