The Guest Stars of
"Hooked On Monkey Fonics"

by Wild Willie Westwood

Fonics MonkeyFonics Monkey and Ronnie James DioRonnie James Dio and band

Cartman's mom orders for him a Hooked On Monkey Fonics program so Cartman could learn how to spell and participate in the annual South Park Elementary Spelling Bee. The monkey has been taught to follow a little tune, to make learning phonics easier, but Cartman doesn't learn easily or quickly enough. He takes the monkey to the spelling bee and sets him near the edge of the stage so no one would suspect anything. Without a tune to follow, though, the monkey is of no help to Cartman, and when Cartman demands a hint, the monkey simply masturbates. When Cartman's friends pay him a visit, the Fonics Monkey goes nuts and beats the hell out of Kenny, eventually killing him. Ronnie James Dio shows up to play for the South Park Elementary Bay Of Pigs Memorial Dance and sings his one hit, "Holy Diver."