The Guest Stars of
"The Red Badge Of Gayness"
by Wild Willie Westwood
The Victims of the Civil War Reenactment Charge
Ralph, the mailman and Mrs. Hollis
Topeka Traffic Officer, Fort Sumter tour guide and tourists
Ralph and Mrs. Hollis are the first victims. They were just having small chatter when the sound of thundering footbeats reached their ears and those of the people around them, and then they saw the crowd of drunken South Park men charging into town. The Topeka traffic officer tried to calm everybody down, but he couldn't control the men. The drunken men finally reach Fort Sumter and charge into the fort just as the tour guide is telling the group of tourists just how the final battle in the Civil War went down.
Sgt. Larsen and Dawkins
These two tried to intervene when Stan and Kyle went after General Cartman Lee. Stan and Kyle took Grandpa with them, and they arrived at Chattanooga to try stop the men. The National Guard comes to town and Sgt. Larsen gets Dawkins to fire a warning flare at the drunken men. Unfortunately, the flare lands on Kenny and blows him up.
Suzette, the S'more Schnapps girl
When General Cartman Lee sees that his men have gotten sober (the schnapps supply had been confiscated by Stan, Kyle, and the National Guard) and discouraged, he promises them more schnapps if they continue on their mission to rewrite history. They follow him and keep moving east, but in a meadow they all decide to turn around and go home. At that moment two trucks full of schnapps arrive and Suzette pops out to encourage the men to drink - from her breasts. The men get drunk all over again and resume their mission with gusto.
Al Gore, Advisor, and Aide
These three are part of the Clinton Administration, and they're the first to notice the large crowd of men outside the White House demanding that the Southern States be given their independence. Gore is resigned to it, as, well, who needs the Southern States? He also tells Clinton that, in this case, he's glad he's not President.