The Guest Stars of
"Cartmanland"
by Wild Willie Westwood
Priest at Grandma Cartman's funeral, and assistant, Executor of Grandma Cartman's estate, South Park banker
Grandma Cartman has died, and we find Cartman's family at the funeral. Cartman's impatient to get the funeral over with and then go home, but his mom says they've got other business to do in town. They all go to the bank to see what each person will get, and the executor announces that Cartman, the main beneficiary, will get $1 million. Cartman is stunned and asks for clarification, and the executor confirms it. Cartman gets his million and goes to the bank to cash it in. The banker spends quite a while counting the cash, but finally finishes.
Mr. Frank Foon, Chris, the investment broker, Money Quest hosts
Waitress, IRS agents, including Frank Garrett
The investment broker first appears when Cartman cashes the million dollars he got from his Grandma's estate at the local bank in South Park. The broker then appears to negotiate the transfer of North Park Land from Mr. Foon to Cartman. Mr. Foon hasn't been successful with the park, and so gladly accepts the million dollars from Cartman. Cartman buys the park for himself and no one else, and he produces a commercial to say so. Stan and Kyle see the commercial and decide to break into the park. Cartman catches them and sends them home, but he hires the South Park Mall's chief of security to guard the park. The guard tells him he needs to get paid if he's gonna guard the park, so Cartman allows two people to enter the park, and no one else. When one of the rides breaks down, Cartman has to hire a repairman, so he allows two more people into the park. And so he lets two more people into the park for every employee he hires, and pretty soon the park is doing such great business that Cartman is featured in "Money Quest." The hosts of that show hail Cartman as a financial genius, and show how Cartman's method is being used by other businesses. One of the businesses featured is a restaurant with no one seated at any of the tables, and the waitress saying the restaurant is already booked, so no one can eat there. Unfortunately, all the fame and business the park is earning Cartman is everything Cartman didn't want. In desperation he sells the park back to Mr. Foom at cost. The IRS agents comes in and take the money away. Half of it goes to the service for taxes not reported to it, and the other half goes to the McCormicks, who lost their son on one of the rides. The agents inform Cartman that he's got another $13,000 to pay off. Cartman looks for Mr. Foon and tries to buy the park back so he can earn back the money, but Mr. Foon brushes him off and disappears.
Doctor, The Hemorrhoid
While all this is going on, Kyle is being treated for a hemorrhoid in his ass, and the doctor and nurse treat him well. The hemorrhoid is persistent, though, and not even Bible stories will help. Kyle loses his faith in God. When Cartman is throwing rocks at the park he lost, Stan comes in and tells Kyle to come see what's going on. When Sheila tells Stan Kyle might not make it, Stan urges the doctor to take everybody to the park. They all arrive, including Kyle with gurney and other hospital items. Kyle opens his eyes and slowly gets pleased at what he sees. His vitals go back up and the doctor checks him out once more. The hemorrhoid, now seen, goes into remission, and Kyle's faith in God is restored.