The Guest Stars of
"Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants"
by Wild Willie Westwood
The four Afghan boys, including Akmarh
These are the four boys the South Park boys send their $1 bills to. Each is a counterpart of one of the four boys we all know and love. The counterparts to Cartman and Kenny are easy to spot, but Kyle's counterpart looks like Stan while Stan's counterpart looks a little like Kyle. Akmarh is the name of the lead kid in this group, and he's Kyle's counterpart. Every place they go to gets bombed, like the basketball court, the cinema, and their own home. They send a goat to the South Park boys as a courtesy for getting the $4. The South Park boys want to sent the goat back, but they end up unexpectedly going with the goat to Afghanistan, and there they meet the four Afghan boys. The Afghan boys meet the SP boys, but they don't want the goat back. In their culture, once a gift is given or sent, there's no return unless it's to exchange it for something else. The Afghan boys don't see the SP boys again until they see a news report which shows the SP boys in the hands of the Taliban in Osama bin Laden's cave. The Afghan boys decide to help the SP boys, as the SP boys didn't do anything to deserve being kidnapped by the Taliban. The Afghan boys sneak into bin Laden's cave through a secret tunnel, and so appear next to the SP boys after opening a traodoor in the floor. Once outside, all the boys can do is watch the Americans and the Taliban fight each other, but a barrage of bullets kills Kenny and his counterpart. Akmarh returns fire in anger, and the two gruops of boys face each other and argue. Once Osama and the Taliban are blown up, the Afghan kids decide to leave. They've done their part, and the Americans are victorious. The Afghan boys walk away still hating the United States, which leaves Kyle puzzled.
SNN reporter, Postman, Taxi driver
The SNN reporter gave reports on the flurry of motocycle accidents going on around town, the terrorist-related AIDS epidemic, and the capture of Stevie Nicks and the South Park boys. The postan says the USPS won't fly to Afghanistan - only military planes are goung there. The Afghan driver takes the boys to the house where the Afghan boys live, and then drives away.
Soldiers, officials, and other personnel
The soldiers are ready for war, but they find that Stevie Nicks is going with them, and so treat her with dignity. They carry out the battle to defeat Osama bin Laden and the Taliban and to save Stevie Nicks. One of them, Tony, is especially fond of Ms. Nicks. A pilot knocks the boys into the cargo hold with the goat, and opens the door when they arrive in Afghanistan. After being told Cartman farted in the plane, the pilot sticks his nos in and sniffs... and then throws up and passes out. The HazMat men, in white, check the package Stan received for radiation and other hazardous materials, and declare it clean. The SWAT team, in gray, then goes in, rigs the package, and opens it without disturbing the contents. The officials oversee the whole thing, and Johnson, wearing shades, is sent in to check the goat over for anthrax and other diseases. Johnson declares the goat clean after he licks it a bit.
Protesters, Osama bin Laden and the Taliban soldiers
After the South Park boys leave the house the Afghan boys live in, they walk along and run into a group of protesters. Stan and Kyle set up a quick ruse, acting Canadian. Cartman won't go along with this, and so unwittingly betrays them. The leader of the group turns out to be a Taliban soldier, and there are a few more among the protesters. The Taliban soldiers come out of the group and lead the boys into the mountains, to a remote cave. There they meet Osama bin Laden, who spits on Cartman and tapes a few more announcements before celebrating his birthday. While he's celebrating with his inner circle, the Americans come calling with tanks and helicopters, and so the soldiers scramble to respond while bin Laden barks commands into a cell phone. When the Afghan boys come and save the SP boys, Cartman stays behind to engage bin Laden in a battle of wits. After executing a few moves which can be found in classic cartoons, Cartman has Osama bin Laden dress up as Uncle Sam to make one last announcement. The Taliban soldiers see this, surround bin Laden, and open fire. Bin Laden then looks at the "mic" he's been speaking into and sees that it's a stick of dynamite. It blows up, blowing away the Taliban while leaving bin Laden charred and injured. An American soldier walks up and shoots him in the head. Osama falls forward and dies.
Fleetwood Mac, with goat
The goat is sent to the boys as a matter of courtesy, but the boys have nowhere to put a goat. They plan to sent it back to Afghanistan, to the Afghan boys who sent it to them. The boys get stuck in the cargo hold with the goat, and so end up in Afghanistan to meet the Afghan boys. After the Afghan boys reject the offer to get the goat back, the goat just follows the SP boys. Stan melts, but Cartman doesn't. Still, the goat goes with the boys. The soldiers hear the goat bleat, and mistake it for Stevie Nicks. This mistaken identity makes its way into the news, as the SNN anchor reports on the capture of Stevie Nicks and the SP boys. When the goat reappears outside bin Laden's cave with the boys, a soldier makes his way across the battlefield and retrieves it. The Americans pull back. After the Taliban is blown up and bin Laden killed, the armed services hold a USO show for the troops and present Fleetwood Mac to perform in concert. The lead singer, Stevie Nicks, is brought in, and she starts bleating - no one has bothered to tell the troops that the goat is not Stevie Nicks.