The Guest Stars of
"Jared Has Aides"
by Wild Willie Westwood
Subway Representatives
In this episode Subway is going around the country promoting its light fare with its spokesman Jared. He is to show up at South Park on March 6 to talk to the people there. He does, saying he's shows weight loss with Subway sandwiches is easy, and it goes well. But after talking to the boys, he returns the next day to tell the crowd how he actually lost the weight. His "AIDS" comments prompt the representative present (seen second from left, and by himself in the picture to the right) to cut him off and call him before the Board of Sandwich Marketing. Some of the board members speak to Jared, and the board eventually fires him.
Tyler, Jared and Scott, and Christine
Jared Vogle is the spokesman for Subway Sandwiches who lost nearly 400 lbs eating certain sub sandwiches He comes to South Park to promote the sandwiches and the diet he derived from them. The boys visit him to have their sandwich signed and to ask him if sub sandwiches are all it takes to lose weight. He tells him that the sandwiches count, but that he also has aides - one for proper diet, one for exercise. Kyle notes that this makes the commercials misleading, and Jared reminds him of the small print at the bottom of the screen (who reads those?). Still, Kyle suggests it'd be better for Jared to be up front about it. Jared takes this to mind and tells his fiancée Christine about it, but she walks out on him, thinking he has AIDS. He tells the crowd about his aides the next day, and how it meshes well with the Subway diet. He urges the others to get aides of their own. The Subway rep cuts him off, and the board members later fire him. He tells his aides, and they suggest maybe the townfolk can't afford aides of their own, so they're jealous. Jared returns a few days later to talk to the town about some ideas: he proposes to set up an Aides For Everyone Foundation and to give every kid on earth aides himself. The townsfolk go after him and prepare to lynch him. Stan, Kyle, and Butters hear about this and rush to the town square to stop the lynching and clear up the misunderstanding.
The real Jared, Jared S. Fogle, lost 235 lbs on Subway subs. Here's what he ate every day (he selected from the seven 6-inch subs with 6 grams or less of fat each sandwich offers):
Breakfast - coffee
Lunch - "I ate the 6-inch turkey, tons of vegetables, including hot peppers and a bit of spicy mustard." He left off the mayonnaise and cheese and had a bag of Baked Lays® potato chips and a diet soft drink
Dinner - Footlong veggie sub - again no mayonnaise or cheese
He started walking every day, starting at 300 lbs (0 miles) and going to 250 lbs (1.5 miles). he's now at 190 lbs. It's not that he lost 400 lbs, it's that he weighed 425 lbs. at the start of the diet.
Clay Henry, whose cadence is used in the episode, lost 130 lbs. after seeing Jared's story.