The Guest Stars of
"Bloody Mary"
by Wild Willie Westwood
Karate Instructor
The boys take karate classes at his Ichi Ban Karate Dojo. The instructor, or sensei, reprimands Eric for being spontaneous and undisciplined. He tells the class that discipline comes from the inside. Later on, it is him whom Stan refers to as a great teacher, to his father's chagrin. The boys like the sensei enough to imitate his speech patterns from time to time. As he instructs the class, the boys' parents watch from behind him, or read, or snooze...
South Park police officer, South Park desk officer, Bailey police officer
Randy is stopped over for driving erratically, but after flubbing some replies to the officer, he's asked to step out of the car and to perform some simple moves. His failure to do so gets him arrested for driving drunk. He's given community service, which includes stopping at elementary schools and discouraging kids from drinking and driving, or not driving after drinking. He also has to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and follow the 12-step program, which he learns involves a lifestyle change similar to a religious conversion. He's taught that he's powerless over alcohol and that alcoholism is a disease, which just makes him drink more, since he has no control over it. Stan tries to talk some sense into him, but that fails. When he sees the report about the bleeding Virgin statue, he determines to go there, and since he's drunk, to have Stan do the driving. Once he gets in line, he looks for open spots. He slides into an open spot created when a man in line goes to the bathroom rather frequently. He slides into another one when he sees Josh Garrett in line, and once more when the Bailey officer sees that he's an alcoholic, like the officer's brother is. The officer takes him to the statue right away.
AA Group
AA Leader Michael, AA Boy
Randy doesn't think he has a drinking problem, but Michael and the rest of the AA group convinces him that he does. Stan shows up the next day and chastises the group for making Randy, a hypochondriac, think he has a disease he really doesn't have. Later, Randy embraces the new lifestyle he's found with AA and celebrates five days without alcohol with them at Whistlin' Willy's. One of the boys asks Stan if his father drinks, and after hearing "no" asks if this means they're friends. When Randy sees the report that the Virgin statue is not miraculously bleeding out its ass, his faith in his recovery is broken, and he orders lots of drinks for himself. Other AA members follow suit, and Michael has to redo everything undone at that moment.
Hispanic priest, Cardinal Mallory, Pope Benedict XVI
The hispanic priest, who doesn't have a name here, notices the statue bleeding after he leaves the rectory for a walk. He blesses himself and says "It's a miracle!" in Spanish. He tells his fellow priest, who alerts the Cardinal. Cardinal Mallory tells the Vatican about it, and it tells him to investigate further, which he does. He's the first to get squirted in the face. He declares this a miracle, which prompts the Pope himself to see if this is true. Benedict XVI arrives and investigates, and gets squirted too, for a long time. He declares that this bleeding virgin statue is not miraculous, as it's bleeding from the vagina instead of the ass, and it's normal for females to bleed out the vagina.
Believing Women, Josh Garrett and daughter
Two women are interviewed as to why they're in Bailey to look at the statue. They offer their theories, one of them being that Mary is crying for this world and its problems. No theory as to why Mary is crying out her ass. Randy joins the pilgrims already in line to visit the statue and sees a fellow South Park resident, Josh Garrett there. Jose is there so his daughter, who is suffering from elephantitis, would be cured of it. Randy tells him he's there to be cured of alcoholism.