Things To Learn From
BASEketball

by Wild Willie Westwood

The original form of the game, designed by David Zucker, is shown when Coop and Remer played against Ted and his teammate. There was no third player on either team. Baseketball was a game of two-man teams. Trey changed that when he asked that Squeak be written in as the third player on Coop's team. From there, additional players were added, which explains why you see more than three players in the dugout. Only three players get to shoot, though.

the Wave - if you don't know or you've forgotten, the Wave is performed when a row of people starts bowing down with arms outstretched, then stand straight up again. This can be done repeatedly. Usually going from left to right, the first person bows, the second person starts when the first person's arms are stretched forward, the third person starts when the second person's arms are stretched forward, and so on. The visual effect is that of an ocean wave rolling through a crowd.

"Milwaukee Beers" - though the team is supposed to be from there, the movie is actually shot in L.A. You can tell this from a few landmarks around the city. The Sports Arena at USC was called "Beers Garden" and a building near downtown is on Wilshire and Bixel (you can read "Bixel St." in one scene), just west of Downtown L.A.

The Dallas celebration uses footage from the 1992 L.A. Riots following the acquittal of four L.A.P.D. officers on the beating of Rodney King - the Rodney King Riots.

"Ten thousand volts!" - The reading was already at 10,000 volts. Remer cranked it up to 15,000.

That Kareem is seen punching a time card shows that Cain is actually paying these famous people to spend time as trophies in his museum, not that he owns them outright.

"Let's all join our Caribbean brothers in the ceremonial South Sea handshake." - The Caribbean brothers are in the Caribbean Sea, not the South Sea.

Jenna and the kids took a taxi to Beers Garden in time for the last play of the game. Why is the taxi's radio the same as Coop's?

The Rules of Basketball

The layout of the field For the pitcher's mound you have a basketball hoop There are four bases, as there are in baseball, but the distances between them are shortened, as there is no pitcher. There are nine squares radiating from the hoop: three single squares (small, yellow), three double squares (medium, red), and three triple squares (large, blue wedges). Instead of hitting a ball to right field, you shoot from the single, double, or triple square on the left side of the infield. Instead of hitting a ball to left field, you shoot from the single, double, or triple square on the right side of the infield. Instead of hitting a ball right down the middle, you shoot from the single, double, or triple square along the middle. There's the home run circle, with home base at its center. Instead of hitting a home run, you shoot a home run from there. There are two orange circular steps, one on each side of the garage door. These are used for short shots, aka bunts. Each side has a dugout instead of a bench. The roots of the game are remembered in the garage façade supporting the basket and in the sidewalks next to the dugouts. But other teams can substitute other buildings for the garage. The San Antonio Defenders, for example, have the Alamo as their façade. Shooting The square you shoot and score from determines what kind of hit you're going for. Ex. A shot from one of the three double squares indicates a double. Any players ahead of you also move two bases. If you fail to hit the basket or the backboard, you're out. If you hit the backboard or the basket, the opposing team gets to rebound and try to shoot a basket for a double play. If they succeed, you'll be out, and so will the player closest to home plate. You get a second shot - a conversion - at the ball if you miss and the opposing team misses the next two shots when it tries a double play against you. If you make that shot, the original shot attempt holds - if you were shooting for the home run in your first shot, but score in the conversion, you get the home run shot. If you miss, you're out. You shoot for the cycle. If you start with a single, you can't shoot a single again until you've attempted the double, triple, and home run first, in that order. It's a rare inning that allows your team enough chances for you to have a second shot at a triple. Scoring depends on how many men cross home plate (runs shot in), not how many shots you successfully score (hits). If you want to bunt, you shoot from one of the orange steps. The bunt advances the runners already on base, but give the shooter an out. No psych-outs are used there. In the event the bases fill up, the first shooter, now on third base, can call upon one of the other players in the dugout to take his spot on third as he returns to home plate to shoot the fourth shot. This way, you have four players on offense, but only three shooting. Defending Defending is similar to that in basketball, but you have greater liberty in how you defend against the shooter. The three defenders are present at all times. There's no tagging out of players. There are no triple plays. You can force a shooter out by psyching him out. This means you can do just about anything, use just about anything, to make the shooter miss. Anything from a simple line to an elaborate setup involving dwarves and spinning plates to grotesque faces coupled with beastly sounds. You can even mimic a player in a mocking way in order to get him out. Double-teams are permitted. If the umpires deem a psych-out in bad taste and the shooter misses, the shooter gets his shot (like a walk in baseball). Officiating The umpires make sure the rules are being followed and put potholders on squares that have been used in shooting, to prevent shooting from that square again until a cycle is completed. Once the home run shot is taken, the potholders are removed from the squares the shooter used, or removed from all squares when the third out is called. Length of play The teams take turns like they do in baseball - visitors first, home team second. There are nine innings, like in baseball, and a seventh inning stretch. Since all the games are indoors, no games are ever called on account of rain. The seventh inning stretch also serves as hafltime, so there's halftime entertainment at this time. Overtime follows if there's a tie at the end of nine. Length of season There's no telling how many years a baseketball season can last. The playoffs themselves can go for nine months. By comparison, a basketball season lasts for seven months, the playoffs for two months. A baseball season lasts for six months, the playoffs for one month. The baseketball season, if calculated from the two seasons just mentioned, can last from 32 months (2 years, 8 months) to 54 months (4 and a half years). This means a new cup every four or five years. By comparison, major-league soccer has a new world cup every four years. There's no way baseketball can have a nine-month playoff season and still have a cup every year. :D Loyalty No players are traded, no teams can move to new cities. Once a team is created, it stays put until it decides to close. Its bosses can change, though. These are the rules as I saw them on screen. The actual rules are known to the creator of this game, director David Zucker.

Chronology of Events

Day 1, the birth of Baseketball.	Coop and Remer show up unannounced at Brittany Keiser's house and show themselves in. They don't meet many people and get bored with the party. They go upstaris to check out Brittan's room, but Brittany chases them off - they had gone into her mother's room. They go outside and shoot some hoops when Ted and a friend challenge them to a game. They accept, but make up a new game as they play. The next day, they fine-tune the game in earnest. Squeak tries to shut the gas off, but the house Doberman attacks him.
Three months later	Coop and Remer now have a team, and a new team around to rival them. Their team wins the game. Squeak moves in with them, but is given a small cardboard box for a bed.
Six months later	An unofficial league has grown up around the game. Lots of local stations cover the first World Championship of Baseketball. Ted Denslow introduces himself to the Shirts. The league becomes official shortly thereafter
Year 2	The first official baseketball season begins. The Shirts are now the Milwaukee Beers. The Beers win Denslow Cup I
Year 3	The Beers win Denslow Cup II
Year 4	The Felons win Denslow Cup III
Year 5, finals	The Beers play the Dallas Felons for the Denslow Cup in Denslow Cup IV. This is the Felons' second straight Denslow Cup victory. This last game takes place on Dozen Egg Night. Denslow chokes on a hot dog and dies. Coop meets Jenna Reed, director of the Dream Come True Foundation, that night.
Post-season	Denslow's will is read. Coop gets ownership of the team (and the league) and Cain begins to scheme a way to get the team for himself. He would then own the Felons and the Beers. He leans on Yvette Denslow to help him get the team. Coop meets Jenna again and learns about little Joey Thomas.
Year 6, opening day	The Beers play the Miami [Drug] Dealers on Free-Range Chicken Night and win. Cain makes a pitch to Coop to change the baseketball rules. Coop declines.
Year 6, Coop, Joey, and Jenna	Coop stops by the hospital to visit Joey. Remer competes with Coop for Jenna's affections, but Joey's love is only for Coop. Joey asks Coop if he could hang out with the team. Remer nods, if only to see Jenna hang out with them as well. Joey does hang out with the team some time later, at a bar. He gets drunk, too, and his blood has to be cleaned from the high sugar and salt content before his operation. Squeak sees a large woman at the bar, and she comes on to him. That night Coop shoots two home runs for Joey despite being cold for most of the game (he misses the third). Squeak sees that large woman again and is taken away by her beauty, despite Remer's misgivings about her gender. Joey makes it through his kidney operation just fine, but Coop almost kills him with the heart paddles after thinking Joey is dead (the monitor's data cable was unplugged). Jenna finds Coop at home and tells him the good news. Coop hides any evidence that he was one of the "terrorists" at the hospital. Their affection for each other shows through and they kiss. Remer and Squeak enter, ruining the moment and showing by their hospital scrubs that Coop, too, was one of the "terrorists." Jenna leaves angrily.
Year 6, Coop betrayed	Remer visits Cain and discusses rule changes with him, but Cain finds that Remer can't follow a subtle train of thought. Cain almost gets a migraine from this encounter. Remer and Coop get into an argument about team ownership and representation in talks with other team owners. Coop decides to make all the players part owners of the team, with all the benefits that go with it. This fuels a winning streak over the next few months. During the winning streak Cain discovers that Coop is seeing Jenna. Yvette tells him who Jenna is, and Cain decides to talk to some of the Dream Come True Foundation's board members. This leads to funding being cut to Jenna's foundation. Cain talks to Coop and Remer about other sources of funding for the foundation, but Coop doesn't want any deal with Cain. Remer decides to help Jenna out by making a Beerswear clothing line, with the income going to the foundation. Remer ignores some details of the contract. The playoffs begin.
Year 6, the playoffs	Remer is enjoying his new life as Beers icon, wearing gold chains to the games, signing contracts to star in movies, photo spreads, and other things. The Beers progress through the playoffs. Remer makes out with Victoria Silvstedt. Cain enters the locker room and shows Coop and Remer some pictures of child labor in India making Beerswear clothes. Coop sees what Remer did to get the clothing line going, but Remer justifies his decision. Cain is willing to keep this secret if Coop and Remer fail to show up at the next game, which it out of the question for them: they'll be there. Cain leaves and hands a copy of the photos to Jenna, who faces the men with the same evidence. Remer places the blame on Coop. Jenna is disgusted with both of them and leaves. Remer leaves as well, taking Squeak as his new best friend.
Denslow Cup V	Coop goes to India to overhaul the Beerswear factory labor with new educated adults. The final game takes place with Coop absent. The kids are watching the game despite Jenna's order not to. Unsolved Mysteries has a feature on Coop's disappearance, which features some updates showing where he went. Jenna sees this and realizes just how wrong she was about Coop. She then gathers the kids and goes to the game. Coop shows up dressed and ready to go. The seventh inning stretch has Coop and Remer's resentments coming to a head, and Squeak reminds them why they've come as far as they have in six years. They realize their foolishness and mount a stunning comeback. Yvette dumps Cain during Squeak's speech. Jenna arrives just before Coop takes his last shot of the game, and Joey gives him a new homemade ball. Coop shoots the winning shot with this ball and the Beers win the fifth Denslow Cup. Coop and Jenna kiss, Squeak gets to meet the large woman he saw at the bar, and Remer settles for Yvette.

References in Other Movies