| [The band plays some music as the camera pans across the stage from the band to Conan.]
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| Conan: | Alright, everybody, uh-we are back. My next guests… [waits for the audience to quiet down] are the creators and the voices of South Park, which starts its new season next week as the kids are entering fourth grade. Let's take a look.
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| [A clip of "4th Grade" begns to play. Stan and his three friends stand outside the 4th Grade classroom with a gathering group of kids before them. Stan addresses the group, which consists of Wendy, Butters, Clyde, Kevin, the redhead, Bebe, Pip, and Craig]
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| Stan: | Hey, listen up everybody! [Tweek and four others arrive, then Timmy…] We need to stand up to this new teacher and insert ourselves! Let's all do something radical! [the other kids smile]
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| Clyde: | Like what?
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| Stan: | [with a look of determination] Like… ah, how about right at 8:35 we all jump up on our desks and pull down our pants and shout, "KISS MY ASS!!!" all together!
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| The Kids: | YEAH!!!
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| Cartman: | [softly] Why, that's PERfect!
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| Butters: | Well, buh wuh when we pull our pants down, [turns to his left to demonstrate] should we stand frontways or back? I mean, do we show 'er our… behinds, or-ar our w-wieners?
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| Stan: | …I think showing her our asses should be quite sufficient, Butters.
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| Butters: | Uh-uh, maybe we could stand like this [shows his back to Stan and moves his right hand around], with our wieneres pokin' through the back of our legs, you know, and give 'er a nice fruit bowl.
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| [The clip ends, and Conan appears again]
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| Conan: | Let's welcome Trey Parker and Matt Stone! [rises from his desk and walks over to greet them as they come out from backstage. Trey comes out, then Matt. Both wave to the audience, and all three take their seats] Thanks for coming.
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| Trey: | Thank you.
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| Conan: | The uuh, there's so much to talk about. Last time you guys were here… just as your film was opening up..
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| Trey: | Yes, that's right
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| Matt: | A year ago.
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| Conan: | This is the mo- A year ago-
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| Trey: | Yeah. [braces his thighs]
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| Conan: | -just as the film was coming out, and so… You haven't been here since you got that Oscar nomination…
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| Trey: | Yeah, that's right
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| Conan: | …for the song.
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| Trey: | Yeah, its great to write a song that like loses to a Phil Collins ballad. Like that's… [everyone starts laughing] that's, like that's how good your song was, buddy!
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| Conan: | Well, you cant beat that man. Aaaah, you can try but you just can't. [laughter trails off] Now for example, I mean, how do you even approach going to the Oscars, the two of you, since your such countercultural people-
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| Trey: | Yeah
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| Conan: | You get invited to a-
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| Trey: | We were kinda like, "how do we, how do we go to-?" uh, like, the Oscars are kind of everything we're against you know. So its like, "What should we wear? Should we try, should we wear chicken outfits or you know, go as pirates or whatever?' and then…
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| Matt: | It feels like a costume ball you know, cause it makes- So much stuff about like, "who's wearing what?" We're like, "Well lets go with uh, Spock and uh, Kirk."
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| Trey: | Yeah.
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| Matt: | From Star Trek.
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| Trey: | That's what the the-eh Academy Awards should be like: costumes, like that.
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| Conan: | Right.
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| Trey: | It would be a lot more fun if everyone would dress up…
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| Conan: | Well people take it, it so seriously.
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| Matt: | So seriously
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| Trey: | We got the dirtiest looks you've ever seen
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| Conan: | Well, whenever someone eh- well, first of all lets show what you were wearing. [a picture of Trey and Matt at the Oscars comes up] You were dressed as Gwyneth Paltrow and Jennifer Lopez.
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| Trey: | Yeah, yeah [laughter, then cheers] Thank you.
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| Conan: | So, uh,
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| Matt: | Now why would that make anybody mad? Excuse me? Why?
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| Conan: | You know I actually dont know why, if its an event and it's all publicity, why wouldnt people just get into the spirit of it and go "thats funny, theyre having fun."
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| Trey: | Oh they, they were angry.
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| Matt: | People were mad
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| Conan: | Who was angry? Like what, what, what uhwhat kind of reaction were you getting?
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| Matt: | Phil Collins was mad.
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| Trey: | Yeah, he was eh, he was like, "this is a very serious event!" You know, the, I mean…
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| Conan: | [incredulous] He did not say that!
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| Trey: | Yeah. No, he really did, but to someone- not to us but to someone right in front of us and like um….
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| Conan: | Phil Collins said that? An angry Phil Collins…
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| Trey: | Yeah screw him, but you know eh- [Crowd laughs and cheers] but ih it really was just gla- I mean we literally you know, everyone of course turned heads and there was you know, ah, I duh-, you know, like 50% of the people were like laughing and 50% were just... [puts on a frown of disdain]
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| Matt: | Yeah. Some of like, from the old guard, old Hollywood people were like, "oh my God," [growls] and just so mad. I remember Gloria Estefan lookin' pretty mad.
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| Trey: | Yeah she was mad
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| Conan: | She was mad?? Why would she be mad??
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| Trey: | I dont know. I think because like shes there and shes in her beautiful dress, shes all made up and giving her, you know, talking to the cameras and then she moves on and we move right in behind her, you know, and she's like [breaks into a big grimace. Cona and others laugh]
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| Matt: | Now I feel really mad.
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| Conan: | You'er right, and did did uh, you saw Gwenneth Paltrow, right?
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| Trey: | Yeah
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| Matt: | Yeah. We saw Gwenneth Paltrow and she kind of gave me a dirty look. I kinda looked away. I didnt have the guts to go "hunh" [mimics squeezing a breast], you know or anything. I was like, "Hm, I didnt see you."
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| Trey: | Well people dont- We were really nervous the day of, and I called Matt and I was like, "Matt I can't do it, I'm too nervous" and we just got so wasted [the crowd erupts] and we went, we did. [Trey and Matt gaze at the audience]
| Conan: | Nooo, that's wrong!
| | Matt: | It loo- it looked like-
| | Conan: | It's wrong, what you did!
| | Matt: | It looked like a great idea until, like we're in the limo and we pull up and there's 60,000 photographers-
| | Conan: | Right
| | Matt: | -and TV and we're like, "Oh my god, we have to get out of the limo right now" and like, you know what I mean, and there was that moment we were like, "Bail, bail!"
| | Conan: | Suddenly it wasnt just like a prom gag anymore
| | Trey: | Yeah, yeah
| | Conan: | Something much more serious. Now, speaking of people that would be angry with you, Barbara Streisand. You guys have gone after Barbara Steisand time and time again. You seem to enjoy mocking Barbara Streisand.
| | Trey: | Its not moh-, were not mocking Barbara Streisand, we hate her.
| | Matt: | We hate her.
| | Trey: | And it's [the crowd erupts] People are like- People are always like, "Don't you get sick of making fun of, you know, of hating Barbara Streisand." Its like "No, do you get sick of hating Satan?" "No."
| | Conan: | Right. When you see evil you must fight it!
| | Trey: | She's lots of pure evil!
| | Matt: | Yeah. Actually, we actually view our job like people who-ugh, like we are kinda freaky because we do view our job as we are fighting the good fight against evil whether its Barbara Striesand-
| | Trey: | Or the Academy Awards…
| | Matt: | -or politicians or Academy Awards, like we fight the good fight.
| | Conan: | Right.
| | Matt: | You may not be on our side, but... it does, it does give…
| | Trey: | Fine, there's only two people on our side, Conan
| | Matt: | It does give us strength.
| | Conan: | Well there's a uh, there's there's… there's also this Pokémon phenomenom that you guys were after early. I mean,-
| | Trey: | Oh, yeah, that thing.
| | Conan: | -people, ehyeah, Pokémon is sort of like, like Hitler. It got out of hand you know.
| | Matt: | Well, Poké- wait- well that was the only problem with Hitler. He just got out of hand.
| | Trey: | He just got a little out of hand
| | Conan: | He got out of hand and he started going uh-, but people didnt stop him early enough. You guys got on this Pokémon early.
| | Trey: | You know, Conan, it's alright, 'cause we're we're doing a new show thats a sitcom because we hate sitcoms, so we just… figured wed better do one, and um, see…
| | Conan: | Why do you hate sitcoms?
| | Trey: | See, I'll tell you why. Because, the thing is, I hate Pokémon…
| | Conan: | Have you seen sitcoms?
| | Trey: | No, becasue, because Pokémon...
| | Matt: | Yeah, it's the same thing!
| | Trey: | We were watching Pokémon and it was kids, it this thing directed to kids going, "You've gotta collect em all, you gotta collect em all," and the kids were like "We gotta collect em all we gotta collect them all." And it was like, "You love Pokémon, you love Pokémon!" "Ah, we love Pokémon. And its the same reason.
| | Matt: | It's like, "Everybody loves Raymond."
| | Trey: | Everyone loves Raymond. You'll love this guy!
| | Matt: | You'll love him!
| | Trey: | You'll love this guy, hes a great guy, he's got a great family, you'll love him! [dramatic pause] And you know, people love him!
| | Conan: | The next thing you know, it starts going up in the ratings, I love
Raymond, I love Raymond, I love Raymond
| | Trey: | Yeah, yeah. yeah, I know. I love his show
| | Conan: | I'm mental, and I'm going to grind you.
| | Matt: | Sitcoms are like, sitcoms are like Pokémon for adults.
| | Trey: | Yeah, uh, that's the whole thing.
| | Matt: | Well, you'll love Raymond, you'll love him
| | Conan: | Whats ingenious is, they used to in the 70's, late 70's, they in-, they invented with Star Wars, make a movie that then immediately comes out with action figures.
| | Trey: | Right
| | Conan: | Then they said, "Let's just- Why are we doing that, why don't we just… skip a beat and go right to making movies that have toys as the stars."
| | Trey: | Right, exactly.
| | Matt: | Exactly. Actually-
| | Conan: | I mean, if I had part of that-
| | Trey: | Yeah, uh- [turns as Matt speaks]
| | Matt: | In the movie the hero has to collect them all.
| | Trey: | Yeah.
| | Matt: | "Get them, go get them," and so it's like, "I've gotta go get them."
| | Trey: | But we did it in South Park because we watched this whole thing, we were like "Yikes! This is Japanese, theyre they're up to something!" You know like something is going on!
| | Matt: | Speaking of somebody who got out of hand, the Japanese…
| | Trey: | Yeah, so, eh, you know…
| | Conan: | The Germans, uh, uh, I think the, the theme tonight should have been the Germans and Japanese got way out of hand at one point.
| | Trey: | We- Thats why in the South Park version it was Chinpokomon and it was like the Japanese sort of using this to take over the world which I'm not you know, I dont think is so far from the truth. [some laughter] Again we're the only ones here fighting this fight.
| | Matt: | Yeah, were fighting the good fight. Are you with us?
| | Conan: | Wait, wait now- [crowd cheers].
| | Matt: | Thats the first time Ive ever milked for applause.
| | Trey: | Yeah. [grins a laugh]
| | Matt: | I'm so psyched I just got a good reveal to applause.
| | Conan: | Yeah, whenever, ywah, once you uh, the first time you milk for applause and you get it,
| | Matt: | [plays off the audience] Oh, it's great, man.
| | Conan: | it's just like, it's like harrowing. You got to do it again
| | Trey: | You got to do it again
| | Matt: | It's like crack
| | Conan: | Dont listen to me kids. Now, ub, your latest battle with the censors? Whats the latest thing? You're constantly having fights..
| | Trey: | Yeah, we, we created a character this, this season named Timmy who uh [applause], it was, uh it was just created for one scene. He was a little uh handicapped kid who was very very cool but he's pretty severly handicapped and, heh yeah that's, and its really funny cause we were talking to them and saying "Please let us get this in, please let's just, just this one scene, just this one scene." And they were like "no,no,no" and we fought the network and finally they put it on-
| | Conan: | They, they and, they were opposed to it cause folks weren't used to it, it's distasteful.
| | Trey: | Yeah and then they're like, "You can't do it." And then Timmy just exploded and its like "We gotta make Timmy
Tshirts and Timmy dolls." You know the network's telling us you know, like, "we love Timmy. Are you gonna do more Timmy?" And we were like "All right, we'll do more Timmy" and uh, it rreally, that's becau- It used to be we'd walk down the street and everyone screamed, you know, "Beefcake" or "Respect My Authority," or "You killed Kenny," and now everyone just yells [presents the audience]
| | Crowd: | TIMMY! [Trey exults and dances in the guest chair]
| | Matt: | [looks over at Trey] I'm telling you its like crack!
| | Trey: | [bouncing in the chair] I'm happenin'!!!
| | Conan: | You guys have become what you hate, eh!!
| | Trey: | Were just everything we used to hate! We must destroy ourselves!
| | Conan: | Uuh, and then uh, now, now Trey I understand that you gave a high school commencement speech, is that right?
| | Trey: | Yeah. I was asked to speak at high, at my high school. I was like "Oh, what the hell am I going to say to these high schoolers?" But you know, what I said and I think its really true, I told them, I said, "You know what?", 'cause friends of mine know that really, in high school and in college, I didnt party. I really didn't. I, I barely drank. I mean, I would go out once a month and drink and… didn't do it at all and I was like "Dont waste this time," you know. "Figure out something you want to do, and use college to really get-, because when you get rich you can party so much harder. You know, and like, I, I party now and like, now's the time to party, 'cause I'm like "woo! Yeah, get down an' party!"
| | Conan: | So what was the fac- whawhawhat was the faculty's response when you said that?
| | Trey: | Oh, the parents-
| | Conan: | It must have been like the first part of like, "Teach us about..."
| | Trey: | They were like "These are very good!
| | Conan: | "This is very good!" then "Wwwwhhhaaatttt!!! [everyone laughs]
| | Trey: | "No we will not take drugs!"
| | Matt: | "Good show."
| | Conan: | I am Dean Sternbottom.
| | Matt: | "Good show."
| | Conan: | All right, well the uh, the new season of South Park begins next Wednesday night at ten o'clock on Comedy Central, so watch for that. Guys, thank you very much.
| | Trey: | Thank you.
| | Matt: | Thank you.
| | Trey: | Thank you very much.
| | Conan: | It's nice to have you. From South Park, Matt Stone, Trey Parker!!
| | [End of segment. Conan announces the next guest, and the band plays to commercial.]
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