|
1. Moutain Town 2. Uncle Fucka 3. Wendy's Song 4. It's Easy, Mmmkay 5. Hell Isn't Good 6. Blame Canada 7. Wendy's Song, Part II 8. Kyle's Mom A Bitch 9. What Would Brian Boitano Do? 10. Up There
11. La Resistance (Medley) | 12. I Can Change 13. I'm Super 14. The Mole's Reprise 15. Mountain Town (Reprise) 16. What Would Brian Boitano Do? Part II 17. Eyes Of A Child 18. Good Love 19. I Swear It (I Can Change) 20. O Canada |
Disney Reference: "Belle," establishing sequence in Beauty And The Beast
Minor references: "The Sound of Music" for the instrumental intro,
"Oklahoma!" for Stan and Kenny stepping over a bum.
| Intro: | [Instrumental. Stan exits his house and heads towards town. He scoops up some snow and tosses it in the air, then dances as it falls on him. As he passes by TELE'S, various episodes of Terrance and Phillip play on the televisions behind the window. Then he runs into a man carrying a box full of stuff, then moves on] |
| Stan: | [relaxed]
There's a bunch of birds in the sky, And some deers just went running by. Oh, the snow's pure and white on the earth rich and brown! Just A- nother Sunday morning in my quiet mountain town.
[brisk] The sun is shining and the grass is green All the happy people stop to say "hello," |
| Townsman: | Get out of my way! |
| Stan: | Even though the temperature's low. It's a perfect Sunday morning in my quiet little mountain town. |
| [Stan reaches Tom's Rhinoplasty, where his mom, Sharon, works as the receptionist. Sharon sees him, and he soon shows her a movie ad] | |
| Sharon: | Well, good morning, Stan! |
| Stan: | Mom! Can I have eight dollars to see a movie? |
| Sharon: | A movie? But I thought you were going ice-skating. |
| Stan: | But this is Yeah. It's gonna be the best movie ever! It's a foreign film, from Canada! |
| Sharon: | All right, all right. Here you go. But be back for supper! |
| Stan: | Thanks, mom! |
| [He leaves and walks brightly down the street. She watches him until he is out of view, then returns to work] | |
| Sharon: | Oh, what a picture-perfect child! Just like Jesus, he's tender and mild. He'd wear a smile while he wore a thorny crown.
What an angel, with a heart so sweet and sure. |
| [With money in hand, Stan walks to Kenny's house] | |
| Stan: | Hi! Is your son home? |
| Ms. McCormick: | I think so. HEY!! |
| Stan: | Ow. |
| Ms. McCormick: | Kenny, wake up! Kenny, damnit, come on! |
| Kenny: | (Okay, mom!) |
| Stan: | Dude! Dude, wake up! Kenny, come on! |
| Kenny: | (Coming!) |
| Stan: | Kenny! The Terrance and Phillip movie is out. You wanna come? |
| Kenny: | (Yeah, you guys. I'd love to, okay?) |
| Ms. McCormick: | Where do you think YOU're going? |
| Kenny: | (To the Terrance and Phillip movie.) |
| Ms. McCormick: | You can't! You have to go to church! |
| Kenny: | (But Mom, I wanna see this movie!) |
| Ms. McCormick: | Well, fine. Go ahead and miss church. And then, when you die and go to hell, YOU CAN ANSWER TO SATAN! |
| Kenny: | (…Okay!) |
| [Stan and Kenny walk away and step over a homeless man on the street. They pass the church they should have gone into for Sunday services] | |
| Stan: | You can see your breath hanging in the air. You see homeless people, but you just don't care. It's a sea of smiles in which we'd be glad to drown! |
| Kenny: | (Don't you know? It's like a perfect winter day And that I'm glad I can say) |
| Stan: | That's right! It's Sunday morning [with church choir] in our quiet little white-bread redneck mountain town! |
| [Kyle plays with Ike outside the house] | |
| Kyle: | Okay, Ike. Let's try this one more time. |
| Ike: | dehr faminehrer? Bah bah bababah! |
| Kyle: | Ready, Ike? Kick the baby! |
| Ike: | Don't kick the baby. |
| Kyle: | Kick the baby. [kicks Ike through the window] |
| Sheila: | Ike! You broke another window! That's a bad baby! Bad baby! |
| [Stan and Kenny reach Kyle's house] | |
| Stan: | Kyle! We're going to the Terrance and Phillip movie! |
| Kyle: | Oh my God, dude! |
| Sheila: | Kyle, what's going on? where are you going?! |
| Kyle: | Nothing. Uuh. We're going ice-skating now. |
| Sheila: | Oh. Well, take your little brother out with you. |
| Kyle: | Aw, ma. He's not even my real brother. He's adopted. |
| Sheila: | Do as I say, Kyle!! |
| Kyle: | Okay, okay, I'm sorry. |
| [The boys leave, and Sheila goes back in.] | |
| Sheila: | Look at those frail and fragile boys, It really gets me down. The world is such a rotten place, And city life's a complete disgrace! That's why I moved to this redneck meshuggeneh qui- et moun- tain town! [Ike flies through the other window] Ike! Bad baby! [he hops out and away] |
| [Cartman watches TV when the doorbell rings] | |
| Announcer: | This program is brought to you by Snacky S'mores, the creamy fun of s'mores in a delightful cookie crunch. [the doorbell rings] |
| Cartman: | Mom, somebody's at the door! Mom, somebody's at the door, I said! |
| Liane: | Coming, hon. |
| Cartman: | Ey! I can't see the TV! |
| Reporter: | It's been six weeks since Saddam Hussein was killed by a pack of wild boars, and the world is still glad to be rid of him. |
| Liane: | Oh, look, Eric. It's your little friends. |
| Ike: | Torry mayam! |
| Cartman: | What are you guys doing here?! Oh. Sweet, dude! Yes! Yes!! |
| [All five boys now head for the theater] | |
| The boys: | [regal, quickening] Off to the movies we shall go, where we learn everything that we know, 'Cause the movies teach us what our parents don't have time to say!
And this movie's gonna make our lives complete, |
| Cartman: | Super sweet! |
| The boys: | Thank God we live in a quiet little redneck podunk white-trash |
| Kenny: | (kick-ass!) |
| The boys: | U… S… A!!! |
| Stan: | Can I have five tickets to Terrance and Phillip: Asses of Fire, please? |
| Clerk: | NO!!! |
References: Oklahoma!. The tap-dance is from the tap-dance sequence in "Kansas City."
| Terrance: | Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka! You're a cock-sucking ass-licking uncle fucka! You're an uncle fucka; yes, it's true! Nobody fucks uncles quite like you! |
| Phillip: | Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka! You're the one that fucks your uncle, uncle fucka! You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn; You just fuck your uncle all day long!
[Terrance and Phillip trade fart sequences] Hm. |
| Mountie: | What's going on here? [Terrance and Phillip fart, then the mountie farts, then drivers arond them fart as well] |
| Choir: | Uncle Fucka Uncle Fucka Uncle Fucka Uncle Fucka |
| Terrance and Phillip: | Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka! (Uncle fucka) You're a boner-biting bastard, uncle fucka! |
| Terrance: | You're an uncle fucka, I must say. |
| Phillip: | Well, you fucked your uncle yesterday! |
| Terrance and Phillip: | Uncle fu-cka, that's U N C L E. Fuck you! Uncle fuckaaaaaaaaaaa! Too hot!! |
| Phillip: | Suck my balls. |
| [Sunday afternoon at Stark's Pond, Wendy skates before Stan and then up to him] |
| There's the girl that I like. Now, more than ever, she gives me butterflies. It makes my stomach queasy every time she walks by. I know I can be cool if I try. |
| [Monday in the school cafeteria, Stan sees her talk with Gregory at a table] |
| There's the girl that I like. Over there laughing with that smart ne- |
| Mr. Mackey: | [slowly] There are times when you get suckered in By drugs and alcohol and sex with women, mmmkay, But it's when you do these things too much That you've become an addict and must get back in touch.
[fast] You can do it. It's all up to you, mmmkay?
Step 1: instead of "ass", say "buns", like "kiss my buns" or "You're a buns-hole" |
| The kids: | We can do it. It's all up to us, mmm-kay. |
| Mr. Mackey: | Mmmkay. |
| The kids: | With a little plan we can change our lives today. |
| Mr. Mackey: | You can change it today. |
| All: | You/we don't have to spend your/our lives shootin' up in the trash, Homeless on the streets, giving hand jobs for cash. Follow this plan and very soon you will say, "It's easy, mmmkay." |
| Mr Mackey: | Step 1: |
| Redhead: | Instead of "ass", say "buns", |
| Boy 1: | like "kiss my buns" |
| Girl 1: | or "You're a buns-hole" |
| Mr Mackey: | Step 2: |
| Kids: | instead of "shit", say "poo", |
| Girl 2: | as in "bull-poo" |
| Kyle: | "poo-head!" |
| Boy 2: | and "this poo is cold" |
| Mr Mackey: | Step 3: |
| The kids: | with "bitch", drop the t, 'cause "bich" is Latin for generosity |
| Mr Mackey: | Step 4: |
| The kids: | don't say "fuck" anymore, |
| All: | 'cause "fuck" is the worst word that you can say. |
| The kids: | "Fuck" is the worst word that you can say. We shouldn't say "fuck," no, we shouldn't say "fuck." Fuck, no! |
| Mr. Mackey: | You're cured! You can go! |
| All: | You/we don't have to spend your/our lives shootin' up in the trash, Homeless on the streets, giving hand jobs for cash. Follow this plan and very soon you will say, "It's easy, mmmkay." |
| The kids: | It's easy, mmmkay. |
| Mr. Mackey: | It's easy, mmmkay. |
| The kids: | It's easy, mmmkay. |
| Mr. Mackey: | It's easy, mmmka-aaaaaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaay! |
| The kids: | It's easy, mmm… It's easy, mmm… It's easy, mmmkay! |
| Mr. Mackey: | [All dissolve into laughter] Mmmkay! Mmmkay. Mmmkay. |
| Singer: | Little boy at peace, what is this place beyond the stars? Open up your eyes. What are these things you're moving towards? Head so full of wonder Worries in the past Could it be that you are free at last? [Kenny presses the button, but an alarm goes off and an "ACCESS DENIED" board pops up to hide heaven] NO!!!!!!!! |
|---|---|
| Kenny: | (What?! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!) [falls towards Hell. Heavy metal music begins] (What the fuck?!) |
| Singer: |
Little boy, you're goin' to Hell. You said bad words, threw rocks at the bird; now this is your hotel. You ain't goin back. This ain't Disneyland, it's HELL
Little boy it's time for you to pay
Hell isn't good, no, hell isn't good, yeah! [Adolf Hitler, Mahatma Gandhi, and George Burns take turn speaking with Kenny] |
| George Burns: | Hey fuckface, have you seen Gracie? |
| Gandhi: | There is orderliness in the universe. |
| Singer: | Hell isn't good, no, hell isn't good, yeah! |
| Sheila: | Times have changed. Our kids are getting worse. They won't obey their parents; They just want to fart and curse! |
| Sharon: | Should we blame the government? |
| Liane: | Or blame society? |
| Randy, Gerald, Stuart: | Or should we blame the images on TV? |
| Sheila: | NO! Blame Canada! |
| All: | Blame Canada! |
| Sheila: | With all their beady little eyes And flappin' heads so full o' lies! |
| All: | Blame Canada! Blame Canada! |
| Sheila: | We need to form a full assault! |
| All: | It's Canada's fault! |
| Sharon: | Don't blame me For my son Stan. He saw the darned cartoon And now he's off to join the Klan! |
| Liane: | And my boy Eric once Had my picture on his shelf, But now when I see him he tells me to fuck myself. |
| Sheila: | Well? Blame Canada! |
| All: | Blame Canada! |
| Sheila: | It seems that everything's gone wrong Since Canada came along! |
| All: | Blame Canada! Blame Canada! |
| Man: | They're not even a real country anyway! |
| Ms. McCormick: | My son could've been a doctor or a lawyer, rich and true. Instead he burned up like a piggy on a barbecue. |
| Men: | Should we blame the matches? |
| Man: | Should we blame the fire? |
| All: | Or the doctors who allowed him to expire? |
| Sheila: | Heck, no! |
| All: | Blame Canada! Blame Canada! |
| Sheila: | With all their hockey hullabaloo |
| Liane: | And that bitch, Anne Murray, too. |
| All: | [slowing] Blame Canada! Shame on Canada! For the [normal] Smut we must stop, the trash we must smash. The laughter and fun must all be undone. We must blame them and cause a fuss Before somebody thinks of blaming Us! |
| [Wendy elaborates on Gregory's speech in the playground] |
| There's the girl that I like. Now it appears that she likes another guy. It must be because he's political and stuff. I bet I could be political, too. |
| Cartman: | Weeeeeeeeeellll Kyle's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world She a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch, She's a bitch to all the boys and girls.
On Monday she's a bitch, on Tuesday she's a bitch, Come on, everyone! You all know the words!
[kids choir joins in]
Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch
Talk to kids around the world,
[Cartman leads a Japanese choir,
Have you ever met my friend Kyle's mom?
Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch.
[showstopper] I really mean it. |
| Stan: | What would Brian Boitano do If he was here right now? He'd make a plan and he'd follow through. That's what Brian Boitano'd do! |
| Kyle: | When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics Skating for the gold, He did two Salchows and a triple Lutz While wearing a blindfold! |
| Cartman: | When Brian Boitano was in the Alps Fighting grizzly bears, He used his magical fire-breath And saved the maidens fair! |
| Stan and Kyle: | So what would Brian Boitano do If he were here today? I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two. That's what Brian Boitano'd do! |
| Cartman: | I want this V-chip out of me. It has stunted my vocabulary. |
| Kyle: | And I just want my mom to stop fighting everyone. |
| Stan: | For Wendy I'll be an activist, too, 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! |
| The boys: | And what would Brian Boitano do? He'd call all the kids in town. And tell them to unite for truth. That's what Brian Boitano'd do! |
| [short bridge] | |
| The boys: | When Brian Boitano traveled through time To the year three thousand ten, He fought the evil Robot King And saved the human race again |
| Cartman: | And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids He beat up Kublai Khan! |
| Stan and Kyle: | [slowing] 'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit |
| The boys: | from anybody, so
[fast] Let's call all the kids together 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! |
Disney References: "Part Of Your World," Ariel's wish to be human in The Little Mermaid
| Satan: | Hmmm.
Sometimes I think
But then I sink,
Up there, there's so much room, |
| Choir: | Mmmmmmmmmm. Whoa-whoa! |
| Satan: | They say I don't belong (Ooo-oo-oo-oo) I'm staying below, alone. (Ooo-ooo oo-oo-ooooooo) Because of my beliefs I'm supposed To stay where evil is sown. (Oo oo-oo-oo-oo)
But what is evil, anyway? (Haa-aa-a-a)
Up there, [choir drops out] there's so much room, |
| Choir: | Without a care, |
| Satan: | Live without a care. |
| Choir: | If I could… |
| Satan: | If only I could live up ["…live…up…"] |
|---|---|
| All: | There! |
| Satan: | Ooooo! I wanna live, I wanna live up there! Yeah, baby, oo! I want to live up [choir joins in as outer space is shown] There! [a meteor streaks across] Oh! |
Reference: "One Day More" from Les Misérables
Coda Reference: "Tonight" from West Side Story
| Gregory: | [slow] God has smiled upon you this day. The fate of a nation in your hands. And blessed be the children, we, who fight with all our bravery 'Til only the righteous stand.
[fast] You see the distant flames, they bellow in the night |
| Gregory and the kids: | You may get stabbed in the head with a dagger or a sword. You may be burned to death, or skinned alive, or worse. But when they torture you, you will not feel the need to run, for, Though you die, La Resistance lives on! |
| Women: | Blame Canada! Blame Canada! |
| Sheila: | Because the country's gone awry! Tomorrow night these freaks will fry! |
| Soldiers: | |
| Satan: | Up there, there's so much room, Where babies burp and flowers bloom. Tomorrow night, up there is doomed, And so I will be going soon! |
| Terrance and Phillip: | Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka! You're a boner-biting bastard, uncle fucka! |
| Terrance: | Looks like we may be out of luck. |
| Phillip: | Tomorrow night we're pretty fucked! |
| Stan, Kyle: | Why did our mothers start this war? What the fuck are they fighting for? When did this song become a marathon? [The following underlined text should line up verticaly, as they fall on the same beat.] |
| Satan: | I want to be………… up………………… there! |
| Sheila | … When Canada is dead and gone there'll be no more Celine Dion! |
| Gregory and the kids (Soldiers): |
They may cut your dick in half And serve it to a pig. And though it hurts, you'll laugh, And you'll dance a dickless jig. Well that's the way it goes In war you are shat upon! Though we die… |
|
[The following underlined text should line up verticaly, as they fall on the same beat. Satan, Gregory and the kids, and Stan and his friends reach and sustain their last notes when the women start their last words. This is the Coda] | |
| Satan: | I… want… to… be ……………… up ……………… there! |
| Soldiers: | ……Tomorrow night! |
| Gregory and the kids: | …………… La Resistance……………………… lives on! |
| Stan, Kyle, Cartman: | …………………… Tomorrow we fight for La Resistance! |
| [The soldiers begin their coda just before the women do. Line up text.] | |
| Women: | Just don't cry out "Blame yourselves" [Coda] ……and Blame Canada! Blame Canada! …Blame Canada! |
| Soldiers: | [Coda] We'll be entertained! Our lives'll change! Tomorrow night! |
Disney References: "Poor Unfortunate Souls," from The Little Mermaid
and bits of the Aladdin trilogy.
| Saddam: | Some people say that I'm a bad guy. They may be right, they may be right. But it's not as if I don't try. I just fuck up, try as I might.
But I can change, I can change.
Yes, I can change, I can change.
It's not my fault that I'm so evil.
But I can change, I can change. | ||
| Satan: | But what if you never change? What if you remain a sandy little butthole? Saddam: | Ey, Satan! Don't be such a twit! Mother Teresa won't have shit on me! | Just watch. Just watch me change! Here I go, I'm changing!
[fast instrumental]
[silence]
[normal tempo resumes. Saddam whistles the melody] |
Disney Reference: "Be Our Guest" from Beauty And The Beast
| Big Gay Al: | Bombs are flying. People are dying. Children are crying, politicians are lying, too.
Cancer is killing.
I'm super! Thanks for asking.
I'm so sorry, Mr. Cripple, | ||||||||||||||||
| Choir: | He's super! Thanks for asking. All things considered, he couldn't be better, he must say! Big Gay Al: | I'm super! No, nothing bugs me! | Everything is super when you're- Don't you think I look cute in this hat? These little pants? This matching tie That I got at Merv's? I'm super! Choir: | In the barracks and the trenches as well.
| Big Gay Al: | Stick 'em up!
| Choir: | Big Gay Al says, "Do ask, do tell!"
| Big Gay Al: | Skittles!
| Choir: | Yes, he's super and he's proud to be fey.
| Big Gay Al: | Okay?
| Choir: | Everything is super when you're… gay! | When you're gay! |
References: "A Little Fall of Rain," Éponine's death in Les Misérables; Westside Story.
Gregory's parts in "La Resistance" and the Mole's here are similar to
"La Mort de Gavroche."
| The Mole (Kyle): | Now the light, she fades, And darkness settles in. But I will find strength, (No, Mole! Hang on.) I will find pride within. (We'll get you home.) Because although I die, (I can't face my mother.) Our freedom will be won. (Not alone.) Though I die, La Resistance… lives… On? |
Disney Reference: "Part Of That World (End Reprise)" from The Little Mermaid
| Chef: | [slow] Everything worked out. What a happy end! Americans and Canadians are friends again. [fast] So let's all join hands and knock oppression down! Choir: | Good Lordy, I'm found!
| The boys: | Don't you know our little lives are now complete?
| The moms: | 'Cause Terrance and Phillip are sweet.
| Sheila: | Super sweet!
| All: | Thank God we live in this | quiet little pissant redneck podunk jerkwater greenhorn one-horse mud-hole peckerwood right-wing whistle-stop hobnail truck-drivin' old-fashioned hayseed inbred unkempt out-of-date out-of-touch white-trash The boys: | Kick-ass!
| All: | Moun- | tain town! |
| Brian! Skate! Brian! Skate! Brian! Skate! Brian! Skate!
What would Brian Boitano do
Brian!
When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics
When Brian Boitano was in the Alps
Brian!
So what would Brian Boitano do
Brian!
When Brian Boitano traveled through time
And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids No! Brian, those chicken wings are really spicy! Don't eat those! I've never seen a man eat so many chicken wings! (seven times, each one harsher than the last)
Brian!
Brian Boitano was born
Hi-delodee hideelay,
Say, come over here, my honey, 'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do! |
| Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
The eyes of a child,
Take their tiny hands
Through the eyes of a child
The beauty of their smile,
So don't give up
Spread your wings and fly
Through the eyes of a child
The beauty of their smile,
[Upbeat] Gotta rely on my hands.
[pause]
The beauty of their smile, |
| Verse 1: | I'm bona fide, solidified, and qualified to do Anything your heart can stand; it all depends on you. I'll turn your world upside down, I'll blow your mind to pieces. You'll recommend me to your mama, your sister, your aunts, and your nieces Listed in the Yellow Pages all around the world. Thirty years' experience in lovin' sweet young girls. Just call |
| Chorus 1: | Good Love 6-9969 Good Love 6-9969 Good Love 6-9969 It ain't how good I make it, baby, it's how I make it good! |
| Verse 2: | I'm the king of the woman's world, they tell me from town to town And when I find a deserving queen, I'm gonna share my crown But if the line is busy don't freak out or get nervous Just keep on dialin' again and again until you get some service. Call |
| Chorus 2: | Good Love 6-9969 Good Love 6-9969 Good Love 6-9969 I'll send your temperature higher, just like a ball of fire! |
| Chef: | Now, listen to me, baby. Just let your finger do the walkin' and the Luv Chef do the talkin' and the lovin'. your back don't mind. Now, I do the things your man fails to do.
Now, I don't know, but I've been told by a… a player hater |
| Chorus 2: | Good Love 6-9969 Good Love 6-9969 Good Love 6-9969 It ain't how good I make it, baby, it's how I make it good! |
| Singers: | Good Love 6-9969 (Call me anytime) Good Love 6-9969 (Right now would be fine. Call my number) Good Love 6-9969 (Call on me!) (Love gravy train!) Good Love 6-9969 (I'll ride you on into glory!) (Let's get it on.) Good Love 6-9969 (Let's get it on.) Good Love 6-9969 (Good lolololololololove!) Good Love 6-9969 Good Love 6-9969 Good Love 6-9969 |
| Some people say that I'm a bad guy. They may be right, they may be right. But it's not as if I don't try. I just mess up, and I go wrong.
But I can change, I can change.
Oh it's strange, yes it's strange, [First Bridge]
It's not my fault that I'm so evil;
But I can change, I can change.
You'll never change, you'll never change.
Yes, but don't be such a boob. Manna from heaven shall be my food. [Second Bridge]
[ritard.] |
| O Canada, our home and native land, [Terrance and Phillip join in] True patriot love in all thy sons command. [they drop out] With glowing hearts we see thee rise [Phillip: "That's right, Geddy."], The True North, strong and free. From far and wide, O Canada, We stand on guard for thee. [Terrance and Phillip join in] God keep our land glorious and free. [they drop out] O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. [they join in] O Canada, we stand on guard for thee. [Fart. Terrnace and Phillip laugh and tease Geddy for the fart] |